Without you (currently being edited)

Chapter 1

Authors Note: Strong language

Ellianna

I knew today was going to be different from the last twenty years that I have woken up in my room. Normally, my mom would spend every bit of fifteen minutes trying to wake up. I am not a morning person, how ever; tis morning my mom isn't pulling blankets off me or flipping my light on and off again and again telling me to get up.  This morning I am wide awake and ready for the day.   Today I start a new chapter in my life and I am so excited I couldn't sleep in if I  wanted too. 

Today I am leaving the only place I've ever known.  The only place I've ever called home to go to my next home for the next four years.  College!!!

I sat up to stretch and glanced around my almost bare room. I had a few boxes sitting on the floor. My vanity was awkwardly bare, aside from the mascara and lip gloss that I decided was all I needed today. Posters of my favorite bands still lined the walls but I had packed almost all of my things. Just as I swung my legs over the bed, my mom lightly knocked and opened the door.

"Oh! You're awake?" she said, stating the obvious. She walked in and continued, "Breakfast is almost ready and you'll need to leave by ten." Normally when she came in to wake me, she would walk around my room picking up discarded clothes. But today there was none. She stood there for a minute looking around and then turned back to me. I was waiting to see that face, the 'I don't want you to go' look, being that I was the last of my siblings to leave home. But instead she looked happy.

  My decision to stay home after my senior year was my decision, even though she tried to convince me to go to college. I made the right decision though because it gave me time to grieve and heal. My mom and I did this together, and I knew she was stronger now, and so was I.

I hated the thought of being behind two years, so I took some classes at a community college. I also worked for a florist to save the money I would need to get me through my first year of college. I had saved nearly $3,000; thanks to my mom refusing to let me pay for anything. I would have more than enough for food or clothes, but that didn't stop my mom from opening a credit card account with an extravagant limit on it.

   I remembered when she handed it to me three days ago. I said, "Mom, I don't need this, I have enough saved." She simply said the one thing she knew I wouldn't fight her on: "Ellianna, it's just in case." My dad would say that constantly to me when I would leave the house to go out with friends. I didn't argue with him about his obsession with me carrying pepper spray. Not to mention the fact that my three older brothers scared the shit out of all of the boys, so he didn't need to worry about anything happening to me. However, my dad was a cop and saw some pretty scary shit, so I never fought him on my safety.

"Okay Mom, give me fifteen minutes," I said. She walked to my door and said, "I am really gonna miss you," and turned to give me a half smile. I didn't say anything. I jumped out of bed and headed to my bathroom. I took a quick shower and pulled my hair into a messy bun. I put on my skinny jeans and my Florida State hoodie, then sat on my bed and put on my pink converse. I applied some mascara and some lip gloss and looked at myself in the mirror. I took a deep breath and thought, I am so ready for this! In less than two hours I would be a freshman attending Florida State College. Hell yes! my inner thoughts said, jumping up and fist punching the air.

Fifteen minutes later, I pounced down the stairs and swung myself around the wooden railing, landing on my feet, like I've done a gazillion times before. The fact that I hadn't done that in over five years made me realize how excited I was. I walked down the short hallway towards the kitchen when I heard my mom talking to my brother, Erik. He was driving me to college and helping me move my stuff into the dorm. I walked in to my mother standing at the stove and, of course, my brother sitting on the counter shoving scrambled eggs in his mouth. "Hey! You ready for a road trip?" I said to Erik as I grabbed a bagel, my jar of Nutella, and went to sit at the breakfast nook.

Erik was a year older than me, and growing up, we were very close. He was entering his senior year at Alabama University, where he had been studying pre-law. He stood at 6'2" and weighed about 280 pounds. He looked like someone who could play on a defensive line in the NFL, not really a white collar guy. But he had wanted to be a lawyer for as long as I could remember. He had my dad's dark brown hair, which he wore a little long, and had blue eyes with olive colored skin. Lucky bastard. I think that out of all of my siblings, he got all the best genes. Don't get me wrong, my other brothers were just as handsome as Erik, and I was by no means ugly, but I was plain. Sure, I liked to dress up and look nice, but most the time, I was happy in jeans and a t-shirt. I got my height from my mom, thank God. I was 5'5" and I weighed 125 pounds. I had red hair that hit right at my bra strap and green eyes. My oldest brother, Ethan, stood at 6'1" and weighed just under 240 pounds. And, Evan, my second oldest brother, who believe it or not, was the tallest, stood at a 6'3 and weighed about 285 pounds. Yes, my brothers were giants, and you could see why no one in their right minds, if they knew me, would mess with me. I was lucky if a guy even tried to talk to me, which was very few.

"Hell yeah! I can't wait to see the hotties in Florida," Erik said as my mother chimed in, "Erik David, watch your mouth." Erik responded, clearly irritated by my mom's over the top morals, by rolling his eyes and saying, "Mom, all I said was 'hell', that's not even a bad word... it's a place." He said the last part proud of himself for making a joke that clearly wasn't even funny. Dumbass.

He hopped off of the counter, walked over to her, placed a kiss on her cheek, and she swatted at him with her hand. She pretended to be mad but the love that she had for us, no one could deny. She clearly showed it all over her face any time she was around us. "I am going to go grab the last of the boxes and get them in the truck. Will you be ready to go in ten?" Erik asked as he walked over to me. I had just popped the last bite of my bagel in my mouth. I chewed it a little and before I swallowed, I said, "Yep," opening my mouth to show him. "You ain't right, girl!" he said shaking his head, then turned and walked out of the kitchen. I couldn't help but giggle and say, with my mouth still full, "You know you love me!"

My mom looked at me, shook her head, and said, "Young lady, I taught you better manners than that." She said it with a smile though, so I know she thought it was funny, too. She was used to us acting like this. I swear, sometimes, I think our family could have been on one of those reality shows, and we would have been a big hit.

"So, this is it, my baby girl is off to college," my mom said proudly. I stood up, grabbed my Nutella, and said, "Yep, and this is going on the car ride with me." My addiction to that hazelnut and chocolate goodness made my mom's nose wrinkle. My mom was the only woman I had ever met who didn't like chocolate. I went to give her a hug and started to feel my emotions slip. I was really going to miss seeing her every day. Don't even get me started on the food. My mother knew her way around the kitchen. The thought of cafeteria food for the next four years was my only dread about leaving. Thank, God for holiday breaks. We hugged each other like we hadn't done it a million times before, like it was the last hug we would ever share. And I couldn't help it, I started to cry and she did, too.

"Awe, come on you two, you're killin' me here," Erik said as he came up to us and engulfed us in a family hug. We stood like that for a few minutes and then Erik tried to crack another joke. He had never been comfortable with his emotions and always tried to play it off. Too bad the dork couldn't tell a joke to save his life. "Elli, do you think your roommate will be hot?" he asked, releasing us, and my mom and I let go of each other, wiped the tears from our eyes, and looked at him. He had the stupidest grin on his face. "Oh, shut up, you are not allowed to flirt with my roommate!" I said to him as I slapped him on the chest. "Let's go, I am dying to be in the car with you for two hours," I say with as much sarcasm as I can muster.

I wasn't going to lie, I actually was looking forward to it. Listening to music as we both "tried" to sing along, we were probably going to look like idiots to people driving along the road because, no doubt, we will be making a theatrical scene.