The Other Gilbert (1) TVD

Worried thoughts

Have you ever felt like your heart was gonna jump out of your chest? Or maybe that you were gonna make a complete fool of yourself before anything ever really happened? Because that's how I'm feeling right about now. I've been in Europe for the past year, I couldn't deal with the bullying and other things so I begged my parents to let me go. So I spent half my freshman and my whole sophomore year in a boarding school in Europe.

You see I wasn't the most prettiest girl or the most brightest, to be honest Elena was everyone's favorite, I was just "the freak." I only returned for my parents funeral then went straight back to Europe. I was scared, terrified, to be seen by anyone other than family. But according to a friends I made back in Europe, her name is jade, puberty hit me like a truck, but it refused to believe her. But I had to come back to mystical falls because with my parents gone they couldn't pay for my school. But I'm back now and I felt like my heart was gonna jump out of my chest.

Elena and Jeremy had welcomed me home with open arms, as did Jenna, but I haven't seen any of my old friends, which was just really one person. Elena was the popular one that everyone wanted to have as a friend and I was just the sister that no one payed attention too. Buy it doesn't matter, I would hide my fear and my sadness and hold my head up high. Coming back felt like a mistake, but I had no choice, but don't get me wrong as soon as I turn eighteen I'm out of here, there's nothing left for me.

Sighing I looked up from my book where I had been jotting all my worried thoughts down and up at passing cars, I was currently sitting on my front porch dreading tomorrow. I closed my eyes and took in my long breath, my anxiety was getting the best of me and sometimes I wished I had this switch that I could just shut off and never turn back on. But I knew something like that would come with a price, something I don't think I could live with. So much has already happened, a lot of bad and I'm worried about my first day back to school in mystic falls and not worried about my siblings who are still grieving.

Maybe there is something Wrong with me.... But I can't think like that, it's time to turn over a new leaf, I took jades advice and went shopping with Jenna yesterday when I got back, I got a whole new wardrobe. But even still I had to focus on Elena and Jeremy, Elena from what I gathered had depression, but it was passing as each day she coped better, I think this morning was the first real time I made her smile or laugh. As for Jeremy he picked up a drug problem and Elena had been pressuring him, but he talks to me, he confides in me at night before he goes to bed. I think Elena knows and she envies how close Jeremy and I always have been. But I'd like for them to be closer, but both of them need to realize that being siblings isn't suppose to be fun. It suppose to be nagging and hell, and sometimes those conversations that show how much you actually care for one another, but I guess I'm the only one who gets that.

"Hey Em." Jenna said startling me a little, I turned to her giving a soft smile "wanna help me start dinner. Jeremy should be home soon and I think Elena is out with Bonnie" getting up I smiled and nodded causing Jenna to grin before walking back into the house.

My smile fell once she was gone and it felt like my heart dropped,mi promised Elena I'd meet her and Bonnie at the grill. How could I forget... I sighed and ran my free hand through my hair, promising myself I'd make it up to her before I went inside and began to help Jenna with dinner.

I really wish this year would fly by with no drama...