Mental [#Wattys 2015]

Chapter 14

"Tessa Lynn, here to see Richard Anderson." I told the woman at the front desk, signing myself in. She buzzed me through, and after a quick security check I was walking back in to the hell hole I left months before. Things are different now, I thought as I listened to the thick heels of my boots echo throughout the empty hallways. My hair was now now lighter, shorter. My body tanner, fitter. I wore make up now, and talked in a more sophisticated way. That's what college does to you, I suppose. But, Northbranch has changed too. There were no people running down the halls like we did. There were no songs being sung and echoed for everyone to hear. It was quiet, almost too quiet.

I haven't seen, nor spoke to Ricky since the day I left. Once I was gone, I disappeared completely. I changed my appearance. I enrolled in a small college halfway across the country to study English Composition. Now, I'm writing a story on my experiences at Northbranch, and Ricky is the final piece.

Of course, I got his letters. Each one more heartbreaking than the next. I wanted to respond, but couldn't bring myself to. That was my past, and I needed to focus on my future. Eventually, I started getting letters less and less, until one day they stopped coming at all.

I looked down at the scrap of paper the woman gave me, scanning the numbers 209. This was it, Ricky's room. I gingerly knock on the door, almost expecting no answer. But the door opens, and my heart drops. There he was. He looked different, almost unrecognizable. He was taller, more muscular. His face was less childish and more facial hair. His hair was grown out into thick locks that hung over his eyes. But, of course, his eyes were still the same stormy grey.

"Hello," I said quietly. He said nothing, but I knew he recognized me. The shock was written all over his face. He nodded, and stepped back, allowing me to enter. I looked around at his room, it screaming of lost hope and abandonment. The only item that struck me was a craft sitting on the shelf. It was one I made him when I first arrived. A macaroni necklace of love. I sat myself down on his bed, realizing he was watching me. We sat in silence, and it was then I realized we were strangers. "I'm sorry this was unannounced," I tried to say confidently. "How could you announce it? You never answered my letters." The words hit me like a slap in the face, and I had to take a moment to register them. "This is your fault, you know? This sickening silence is a product of the destruction you've done to me. I don't even know who you are anymore." I sat there, dumbfounded. Suddenly it was hard to breathe. "I-," I started to say before he cut me off. "No, let me talk. Since I've had so much to say, and so much time to think about it. I've loved you for the past 346 days since you left. I thought the reason you weren't responding was because you didn't have time in the free world. But 260 days ago,  Tinkerbell left. 170 days ago, Marbles left. 100 days ago, Tesla left. 30 days ago, Mel left. But you know what? Every single one them has visited me. Every single one of them has sent me letters, called, checked up on me. So, it's not the free world. You had time, you just didn't fit me into your schedule."

Tears rolled from the corners of my eyes to the bottom of my cheeks. "I have no excuse, Ricky. I thought if I left you in the past, I could move onto the future. But I can't, that's why I came back. I want you with me, I want to take you with me. I've been keeping track, and if you appeal now you can leave in 90 days. Then we can go, we can go anywhere you want."

He stood up, ripping at his hair. "I wanted that for us. I wanted this for us. But I'm not going to let you drive me crazy anymore. Maybe we're just too toxic for one another, Tessa."

"Ricky," I croak. He doesn't hear me, already stabbing me with more sharp words. "Tessa Lynn, I loved you. But love doesn't fix crazy. When I get free, I'm doing the same thing you did. I'm not looking back. You're still living in the past, Tessa. You are my past. And I have to let go." He leaned down and kissed my forehead, running a hand through my short hair. He shook his head, and left me crying on his bed.

I realize now, that was what was meant to happen. That was what was best for us individually. Sometimes, two people come together and seem unstoppable. But it's until one of them steps out of that reality that they see they are just as toxic as acid. I loved Ricky with everything in me. But, you have to love yourself before you love another person. We weren't ready. We may never be ready. But as of right now, I'm packing up my things, and driving until I reach the coast. When I get there, I'll submerge into the saltwater, and let the waves wash away my sins.

A/N
Thank you thank you thank you to everyone for supporting me throughout the book. You all are amazing. I can't believe it's done. I cried a little, I'll admit. But to watch the story progress, that's the real amazement. I love you guys, and can't wait until you read my next story, Habits of my Young Heart. I'll put an excerpt up as soon as possible. I love you guys. Remember the lessons I taught you in the book. Message me if you every feel alone or broken.