Welcome to my Mind

If

If I could go back in time
To the 28th of August
I would look at the handsome, tall boy with a jawline that could cut my finger
I would give him a smile
And then I would walk away.
I would not join him in conversation
I would not introduce myself
I would not talk with him all night until 4:30 when the sun starts to peek over the horizon.
I would leave him a stranger.
I would leave him a beautiful mystery
A mystery that I would never solve.

I don't regret my time spent with him
Nor could I.
My time with him was wonderful, and I enjoyed every second of it.
I loved hearing him ramble about music and how he wishes he could learn to play every single song on his acoustic guitar.
I loved watching him as he played with his dogs, the way he would light up when they came running to him the moment we stepped inside his house.
I loved hearing him sing the songs on the radio, not caring if I were listening
because he knows his voice is beautiful.
Most of all, I loved how he made me feel.
He unknowingly made me feel empowered
Like I could conquer almost anything life threw my way.
He made me feel gorgeous
Not by telling me that I was
Or complimenting my outfit
But by randomly staring at me when he thought I wasn't paying attention
By wanting to hold my hand every chance he got, even if just for a second
By looking in my eyes when I spoke to him, and occasionally scanning my face as if he'd never seen anything like it.
So don't get me wrong,
The time I shared with this boy was time well spent.
But the pain that consumes every inch of me as I watch him now, walking away with his hand locked in someone else's,
That pain is too much for me to handle.
And the anxiety that overcomes my entire body as I'm left standing alone
Trying desperately to find the broken pieces of my heart
Is too strong for me to control.