Lost | A Connor McDonough Fan Fiction

Chapter 12

Time is a weird thing. Some people crave it, needing it to last longer. Others detest time. They think everything should be quick- it's often heard that there's less pain that way.

I suppose I understand both sides to that argument, but honestly, I don't think we should focus so much on it. Time creates stress, whether there's a lot of time or too little of it. 

Whenever there's a death or some sort of loss, you either hear "they were so young" or "they lived a long, happy life".

I hate that. I hate basing it all on time.

"They were so young" has such a bad connotation. People don't know whether or not they were happy. If they achieved their goals. If they had everything they ever wanted. If they were okay with what happened.

"They lived a long, happy life" annoys me as well. People don't know whether or not they were sad. If they were lonely. If they were abused. If they wished for more time. If they wanted things to end differently.

That's another thing as well- people are so blindsided by the time factor. They don't dig deep. They don't think about all that had happened. They don't consider for a moment what that person was really going through or what they really wanted. They were too busy focusing and pinpointing through one thing. 

Time.

~~~

Two months. A total of two months. That's how long Hunter and I have been going out. School started up and it was certainly different due to the fact that the school systems in Florida aren't nearly as competitive and elite as the school I attended.

Everyone seemed pretty nice when I first got there and everyone showed quite the interest in me, "the new girl". It was strange, the vibe I recieved from this school. My peers seemed pretty chill but I can tell that some girls have been keeping another side of them hidden. Very two-faced. I watch my back and try to not associate myself with any certain group of people, just being friendly to everybody and keeping up semi-consistant appearances at social events and school events and everything like that. It makes me seem at least a bit more human. 

I think another thing that added interest to me was the fact that I was dating Hunter. He's clearly the eye-candy at this school and let's face it- these girls do not know how to casually and unnoticably check someone out. I don't really mind, though. That apparently makes me more attractive, Hunter's friend told me. How much I don't care and how I just go with it. It makes me seem trustworthy yet independent at the same time. I just smiled and took it as a compliment. 

I had to stop working at Starbucks once school started. Between schoolwork and extracurriculars, it had no place in my schedule, which kind of sucked. Starbucks was like my home away from home. My safe haven, if you will. I had my little group of Starbucks buddies who I hung out with and I miss not seeing them for hours upon hours a day. I still visit, but it's not the same as working behind the counter, talking and goofing off for the entire day.

Although this should be an exciting time for me and everything, I'm very bored. Quite lonely as well. Nobody at my school is that interesting or fun to be around. I don't have a best friend who I clicked with immediately. I'm not some popular queen bee with a lot of friends. At this point, I'm just here to try to have a future. For now, that's it. 

Being happy? That's the plan.

Is it coming along successfully? Hell no.

The weird thing is that I don't really care about it. I don't care that I'm not happy. I don't care that I lack in emotion. I don't care. Which is probably a bad thing and I should probably get help for that, but I don't think it's so important to the point where I would want to worry everyone. I can deal.

I think.