A few minutes later my eyes open again and I smile not feeling any pain. I look over to Reid and show him I was fine when I saw tear drop running down his face and him hugging... Me? But I'm right here! Confused I looked around and tapped the shoulders of everyone I could see. What was happening? I take a moment to collect myself and I think. Everything becomes background noise as I figure out that I'm having an out of body experience. I've only read of this stuff happening in fictional books I whisper to myself. I startle when I hear sirens indicating the ambulance. I watch as a neck brace is fitted around me and my pants being torn at to temporarily patch up my wound. I feel like I'm in a daze I watch as Derek and Reid console each other. As my body is being loaded into the back of the ambulance I give the two boys one last look and climb in with myself. All I hear are medical terms that I know but am really not interested in. My mind is in another place when I feel a weird tingling sensation then hear someone shout " SHES GOING INTO V-FIB" I quickly turn to see my shirt ripped open and paddles being charged. I stare into the empty air not sure what to do. Just then the ambulance comes to a screeching stop and the doors fly open. My body is being transported into the hospital with an entire on top of me giving CPR. I slowly follow not sure if I really want to see myself in this situation. Just as I'm entering the building I see Derek and Reid run inside. I want to tell them I'm here but in this place where there's people all around you, nobody can actually see you and that's the most loneliest things in the world. I follow them to the waiting room trying wrap my head around the situation. My body is on an operating table while I'm right here standing in front of the two people that I have become very attached to. I slump down to the floor and wait. As I wait my mother who is covered in tears and everyone else I know start to pile into the waiting room. I sit in the corner and watch my family come together we've never all been in one room like this. Just then a doctor comes out and my whole family swarms around him, I slip through the doors and find myself, I have tubes everywhere and in this predicament look peaceful. I feel a tear roll down my cheek, I decide to lie down beside myself and think. Everything on the outside world is a blur as my family all come in and talk to me. I am too caught up in my thoughts. I keep thinking about Derek and then about Spencer, I decided that I should call him by his first name, he deserves it. My thoughts keep switching back and forth until I've come to realize that I might have feelings for both of them. As soon as that thought cross my mind both Derek and Spencer enter the room. I shoot up from the bed and run, I don't know exactly where I'm going in this hospital something stopped me in my tracks. The sound of a baby crying. I have ran all the way to the maternity ward. I look through the glass at the little souls in tiny hats and little diapers. I stare in awe at a little girl named Kate, out of all the other babies she's not crying, she's laying there playing with her hands and cooing. As I'm admiring her calmness she looks at me and I get this feeling wash over me, all of a
Sudden I am calm and my head is clear. I don't feel so alone because I know somehow she can see me. I turn around and start to walk. At this point I don't know what to do with Derek and Spencer. I've never been put in the situation where I have feelings for two different guys. On one hand Derek is super sweet and comes up with the most adorable pet names, but on the other hand Spencer is so smart and sweet and saved my life. I finally reach my room after getting lost several times to see balloons and cards and flowers stacked everywhere and my mom sitting on the chair next to me. I come up to her and swipe away the stay tear on her face. She jumps as if she's been startled and looks around for someone, yet looks right through me. She puts her hand where I touched her and she leans back trying not to fall asleep but is soon in dream land. I am so emotionally tired if I could sleep I would sleep for a million years but it's impossible to sleep in the state I'm in otherwise as I've read before, you will die. I don't think I'm ready for that yet. I wish I knew how to get back to my body and wake up and tell them everything is ok. That I'm here.
Everyone has left except my parents, Derek, and Spencer. I made a promise I have to keep if not for Spencer than for me. I've been walking around aimlessly trying to get myself back into my body, and before you ask yes I did try to jump into my body but that ended up with me sprawled on the ground. If I could feel pain right now, that would really hurt.
I catch Spencer talking to the Dr. and get closer to hear what they're saying.
"Right now is a critical time, Cynthia has to decide whether she wants to wake up or not. When she came in a blood clot from her leg dislodged and went to her brain causing all of her problems. Now if she does wake up her memories might be altered and she might have some problems with basic human activities. But we will deal with those if it's needed. Now if she doesn't wake up in the next 8 hours I will unfortunately have to classify her as brain dead and what happens to her is up to her parents" the Dr. said with a concerned face.
For the first time since I've met him Spencer just nodded, speechless. No random facts, no medical insight, no Spencer, just his body. As he walked back to his chair Derek consoled him the best her could while trying to hold back tears himself. My mind goes back to my dilemma about my feeling towards both of them and if it comes down to choosing one I'm not quite sure who I'd choose. This whole time my mind has been going back and forth between choosing Derek and choosing Spencer. What a thing to be thinking about when your life is literally at stake. I walk towards my bed and lie down next to myself again confused, worried, and tired.
