Hi. I'm Julia. I'm 16. And I'm a stupid, ugly idiot. I know I'm an idiot because I fucked up, again. I know I fucked up because my boyfriend threatened to leave me two hours ago. I know it was two hours ago because I've been on Netflix for two hours now and the water in the bath I've been in for two hours is now freezing. And it's all my fault.
I always fuck up, and it's not fair, but I guess when you live in a shit hole like Stratford it shouldn't come to as a surprise.
My bottom lip quivered and I sniffled, scrunching my nose every time. My eyes stung from crying.
"Why would you do that? I don't get you anymore Julia! I don't understand you and I can't handle it! It's driving me crazy, I should just leave you, it would be the best for both of us!" Chase's cruel words rang in my head constantly on repeat. The image of him gripping my shoulders and his deep green eyes, watering, tears streaming down his face popped up. His hair a mess. His frown frustrated and hopeless.
All along I said nothing, I didn't dare reply. I hung my head in shame, trying to fight back the urge to just hug him and cry. But I wasn't the right moment.
"Why don't you ever just TRUST ME for god's sake?!" he shouted. I had opened my mouth to tell him that he was the only person i trusted, but i was stopped when he gripped me tighter and then let go. "I think we need time, i can't do this anymore its insane..." his face broke and as he said those words, my heart broke, and i fell. Not literally, it felt like a million pounds had been added to my already heavy load. In that moment i couldn't hold back the tears any longer, and they poured out like rain from the deepest, most grey clouds.
The sad thing is, the only reason he said that was because of the events that had taken place earlier that afternoon. The events i had started. Silly rumours always spread about me, i don't have friends so i always get picked on, of course. Todays beautiful rumours were that i was cheating on Chase, the most popular, hottest boy every girl had a crush on. They did it not to annoy me, but to annoy Chase and make him break up with me. They had done it so many times before, only this time it had worked. They had finally got what they wanted. I had gone up to Sandra, my enemy who (for the record) always started these rumours. Anyway, i finally plucked up the courage to do something to her, to show how much i hated her. So i did, and i punched her so hard while she was standing in the middle of her fucking circle of side-chicks, that the force of my anger had given her an unforgettable black eye.
How lovely.
Chase didn't think so.
Oh well, for fucks sake its not always my fault i get so angry. It was my fault Chase was leaving though. Even though i knew i shouldn't have punched her, i couldn't hold myself back. What else could i have done? Snooped around and kept myself low-key while everyone else murmured lies behind my back? I don't think so.
I rinsed my face for the tenth million time, clearing my cheeks from my salty tears to leave room for the new ones. I breathed heavily, but short and sharp, unable to catch the right rhythm to breathe. Even breathing was a hard task.
As i dried myself off i caught my reflection in the huge mirror opposite me.
I was a shitty mess. But i didn't care, after all, the only place i saw myself to be at for the next 10 years of my life was home. On Netflix. Crying.
I put on my old winnie the pooh pyjamas and climbed into bed, grateful of the warmth and smell of my dark room, its like a little hollow where i could be..sad. Just as i was getting comfortable, the doorbell rang.
"Seriously?" i thought to myself. I knew it wasn't mum because she was at work, it obviously wasn't Chase and if the mail man had decided to make an appearance i swear to god i would slap him. The mail box is right there next to the bloody door for a reason.
Either way, i heaved myself out of my bed and dragged myself down the stairs, nearly falling towards the huge door. However, i managed to gain my balance and tuck my disgusting hair behind my ears before opening the door.
It took me a few minutes to realise who was standing in front of me. Out in the cold, dreary outside world without a coat but a smile and some flowers. It wasn't mum. It wasn't Chase.
It was Justin.
