Justin's hands loosened around my waist and I felt tingling in the spot where he had been holding me.
Finally, I pushed apart from him, looking into those brown eyes made me feel so guilty.
"Justin I..." I stuttered.
"What's wrong Julia?" his hands finally let go of me completely and I collapsed onto the couch. Should I tell him about Chase?
Chase is basically over with me, he practically hates me, and I still have feelings for Justin.
I stared at the bouquet of flowers and sighed.
"Noting," I swallowed as guilt crept over my shoulders and wrapped itself around me. What have I become? A filthy, fucked up liar.
"Ok... Then why did you pull away?" He quizzed me, he knew me all too well and that was a problem.
"I was just..." My mind raced in order to make up an excuse, "I'm really tired, Justin,"
Liar.
"Oh ok..well see you around Julia," he turned and started walking towards the door.
That's it?
He reached for the door handle and turned around so that he was facing me, "Feel free to come round when you're ready to tell the truth,"
And just like that he walked out and disappeared behind the hedge.
Well, that was a bit awkward.
I locked the door and started making my way upstairs again. Everything is such a mess. All I wanted at that moment was to be a kid again, have that careless mindset, everything would be taken care of. But instead I would have to deal with it.
That's exactly why I spent the rest of the day tucked up in my bed watching Netflix.
-
I woke suddenly from my deep sleep when I heard the door being unlocked and opened. My hair was a tangled mess, looking more like a bird's nest then my usual straight blonde hair. It was so dark in my room I had to squint to find the tiny beam of light escaping my door.
"Julia? Oh god it's like a black hole in here for god's sake! All these-" the familiar voice of my mom comforted me and her serious, worried tone made me laugh. I could hear her pushing all the curtains back.
"Mom! I'm up here, I'll be down in a sec,"
Slipping from my bed, I tired to slap my face to bring back a bit of colour to my pale skin but it didn't seem to be working. I didn't want my mom feeling sorry for me, I hated it.
Her high heels tapped and echoed through our large, empty house. Since our dad had died, three years ago, mom spent a further year throwing out and donating all the things that bought back memories. She packed away a few really special things into boxes and placed them in the attic. She said she wanted a "fresh start" and I allowed her to grieve in the empty house, understanding that on that day I had not just lost a dad, but mom had lost a husband. A soulmate.
Heart attack.
That's all it took.
When I finally bought my tired body downstairs I saw mom in the kitchen, probably trying to think of something to eat for dinner. I spied at the clock; 7:30pm.
"One last day till Summer break and you're spending it all in that dark hollow of yours," she chuckled before gazing up at me. "Oh my goodness! Julia what happened!"
Fuck. Was it really that obvious?
"It's Chase, but I think it'll pass," I mumbled. I had always been completely honest with my mom, especially after the death. I never wanted to keep anything from her, feeling guilty if I ever did.
"Oh honey, come here," she extended her arms and I took them, letting her wrap them around me and hug me tight. My face was squashed into her neat, ironed business suit and I started crying.
"Shh," she let me get it all out but I knew she hated crying and feeling sorry for yourself type moods so she let go and cupped my face.
"Hey, listen kid, it's not the end of the world, pull yourself together and tell me what happened while I try to make dinner out of this darn food," she let go and I slumped into the bar chair and leaned on the kitchen island counter.
"I had a big argument with Chase, you know that group at school...Sandra and all, said I was cheating on Chase and I lashed out. Don't be mad at me please, I couldn't keep it in anymore. I hate them all so fucking much-"
"Language," she muttered under her breath while getting out a pan.
"Sorry. But he walked me back here after school and told me I'm crazy, I can't control myself and shouldn't listen to them, that he doesn't understand me at all and he wants space," I said that last word so bitterly as if it was poisonous.
"Darling, I think you two do need space, I agree. If he's calling you crazy and saying he doesn't understand you, maybe he's not the right one,"
"But we've been together for more than a year mom," I sighed shaking.
"Mmm" was her response. "Jules, I'm going to order takeaway, there's nothing to eat in this twisted house," her body slumped into the bar chair next to mine.
"It's all good kid, you'll get through this. Only one more day till summer," she nodded.
"Justin's back," I whispered.
"Justin Bieber?" She whispered back, she knew all about us and our little games.
"Justin Bieber," I repeated.
