You Promised

Chapter Ten

I'm walking with Adam. We are in the park, holding hands. On my left hand is a glistening engagement ring that reflects the sunlight and dazzles everyone who looks at it. My smile shines as brightly as the new jewel on my finger. He is laughing with me. I see Hazel and John walking together. They wave at us and we wave back. Adam puts his arm around my shoulder and I see Jayne and Anna walking along. Jayne is wearing a stunning blue dress that lights up her eyes. Anna is grinning from ear to ear as she tells Jayne yet another story about Thomas. My world is perfect. Everyone is happy. Adam leans into me and whispers in my ear 'I promised.'

My eyelids snap open. I'm lying in my bed. Adam is not back and the stark reality hits me in the chest like a train. I roll onto my stomach and cry into my pillow until my tears have soaked it. I lay on my stomach for a while and relax my breathing. I stagger to my feet and routinely brush my hair. I go to the bathroom and wash myself. Nothing is without routine anymore. I visit Mrs. Green at least once a week. Mr. Green is working in London, in a hospital. I see very little of John anymore. Any spare second he has he's off to see Hazel. I'm happy for them both.
I put on my dress and trudge downstairs. I hear my parents talking, but it sounds far away, like I'm hearing all of this through water. I feel like inside I'm slowly shattering and if nothing stops it, I'll break. Slowly, their words filter through to my brain.
'The paper is coming out today.' Says Mother.
'The one with the soldiers names?' Asks Father quietly, trying not to alarm me.
The paper comes out weekly with the names of all the names of the soldiers killed or missing in action. Every week it's a frenzy of shouting with relief and the sad, sinking feeling you get when you think of the little boy you went to school with who is now lying, dead, in Somewhere in France. Whenever the newspaper is handed to me. My eyes search for my Adam. So far, so good.
'I take it you'll be excusing yourself after breakfast?' Asks Mother.
I nod. 'Yes please.'
My father puts down his teacup. 'Ami. I miss seeing you smile.'
I look up at him in surprise. I smile sadly, knowing he is right.
'That doesn't count.' He informs me. 'I miss you Ami. Come back to us. Please.'
'I will Father.' I say standing. 'When he comes back to me.' And with that I walk from the kitchen. I can hear them talking behind me, mumbling in hushed tones, no doubt about my welfare.
I grab my coat from the rack and open the door.
I walk down the street, following the crowds that are swarming to the town square. I can hear my heart pounding in my ears. My hands are shaking. I see the wagon with the papers on it. People are gathering around it while the men on it hand out the newspapers to the crowd.
I stand on my toes and crane my neck to see them. Quickly, the crowd thins and I can get one from the newspaper men. I mumble a thank-you.
I rip away pages until I find the list. I scan the names, until I see the name Allan Greene. Allan. I rack my brains to think of an Allan. I hold the paper in my clenched fist and walk slowly to Adam's house. I'll ask Mrs. Green. She'll know who Allan Greene is. Then, as I walk, a new possibility comes to mind. Allan could be a misprint for Adam. I struggle to keep calm and put one foot in front of the other. Adam. Allan. Green. My breath comes in quick, ragged gasps that I fight to control.
After what seems like forever I arrive at his house. My fear propels me through the door and I scream for Mrs. Green at the top of my lungs. I run from room to room, looking for her. Eventually I find her in the garden, sipping tea. I call for her and she stands, her eyes shining with tears. She holds out her arms to hug me, and as she does I spot a letter in her hand. An army regulation letter.