Letters to My Crush (Yours Truly)

8

9/16/15

Dear crush,

You haven't looked at any of my snapchats in, like, 5 days, when you screenshotted a selfie from my story and told me I looked good. It's like you're ignoring me. My senior friend is dragging me around trying to set me up with her friend (who is also a senior). As a freshman, I really don't want to date a senior. I think that it's pretty fishy if a senior guy wants to date a freshman girl. So I'm desperately clinging to the hope of you asking me to homecoming or me getting the courage to ask you, so I can get out of this whole mess. She will not take no for an answer. She has decided this guy would be good for me. But all I can think about is you. Nobody else seems worth my time to think about. And I stress over you, whereas it appears you can easily forget I exist for a week and it's no big deal. So...maybe I should just go with the senior. I guess you won't care. I can keep pretending to myself that you would - that you'd get jealous and go home angry after the dance, and that you'd be tossing and turning all night thinking about me with a senior. In reality, you'd probably not even notice, and you'd dance with another girl, and it would again be me going home, tossing and turning at the idea of you with her. It's so frustrating. There's this hot, Spanish senior guy who apparently thinks I'm worth the time of day and still I hold onto the hope of you. And I know I'm going to get let down, but I have to try. Nobody else is going to be worth it in my mind until you look me in the eye and say "I don't like you like that." And I will crumble the moment you say those words, but...at least I'll be able to get over you... But still, my stupid head goes back to your stupid line that you just had to tease me with, "If it's you, I care." Do you really? Because you sure have a funny way of showing it. Not responding to any of my snapchats, not talking to me. What am I to you? How can I look inside that head of yours and figure out what you even think of me? Do you even remember I exist? I know I'm a foot shorter than you, but I didn't think I was invisible.

-Yours Truly