Perfume

Chapter Ten - Lied

~     linden     ~

Falling in love with you, Linden, wasn't part of my plan for vengence. 

     I replay the words in my head as I look into her green eyes, our breaths nearly mingling into one, our smells one perfume. She is in love me, I shout in my head. She loves me like I love her!

     I smiled. 

     I didn't care that she'd killed, that she considered herself evil. She loved me and that was all that mattered. 

     Bella sighed and walked over to her desk. She switched off the computer and projector, and we were in complete darkness for a moment. I heard muffled steps and then the lights came on. 

     "Are you ready to run away kicking and screaming?" she asked, her hand still on the light switch. 

     "I said it once and I'll say it again: I'm. Not. Going. Anywhere."

     She smiled. "I'm really glad you're saying that."

     I took long, fast strides toward her, not being able to be apart from her. I took her hands in mine and gazed into her green eyes. "You trusted me, Bella. You showed me who you really are. I don't care if you think you're bad, if you think you're a monster. To me you are not. To me you are the most wonderful thing ever. I could never leave you."

     I took another step toward her and I was close to her. Closer than I've ever been. Chest to chest, palm to palm, toe to toe. Closer than we've ever been. I leaned closer to her, nose to nose, eye to eye, gazing into each other, losing myself into a sea of green. I let go of her hands and snaked my hands up to her face. I stroked her cheek and they're soft. Like a rose petal.

     Her was is neutral. Her features relaxed.

     I laughed. "You know, I would kiss you right now. But I can't just yet."

     She frowned. "Why?"

     "You're with Nate. I can't kiss you if you're with someone else. Even if you don't feel that way for him. Even if it's all pretend. I just can't. It's like if I was still with Mandy. I couldn't be able to kiss you."

     She bit her lip and stood on her tip-toes, her lips being the same height as mine. "You know I don't love him like that."

     "I know." I smiled. A huge weight dropped off my stomach. Of couse she didn't love him like that. In hindsight, I believe I knew that all along. But it was nice to hear it coming from her, to hear it being spoken from her lips. 

     "And?"

     "And I still can't."

     "Okay," she said.

     "Okay," I said, smiling.

     She smiled too. "So what do you think? Of what I told you."

     I blink, crinkling my brow. "I think it's sad. It's a horrible thing for someone to go through. And the way you did. You were brave. You are brave."

     Bella lost her biological parents too. Like I did. Expect hers were honorable people, great parents. 

     Mine weren't.

     I feel the impulse to tell her about my past, about the man, about her, about everything that happened. About the way it affected me, about the memories that were coming back, triggered by nothing in particular at all. But it didn't matter. It wasn't the same as what she had gone through. My parents hadn't been murdered by a vicious man. My parents hadn't been good people. But it was nothing to complain about. Billions of kids had gone through shit worse than that. I was lucky, really.