Perfume

Chapter Eight - Puzzled

~     linden     ~

Hanna is The Belladonna, I thought as I entered my building's lobby. Only Hanna's name is Bella, not Hanna. Bella. 

     Things didn't completely line up yet. Not all the pieces fit. But I had this sense in my stomach that old me I knew the truth. I knew the rel Hanna. I knew Bella. I knew the girl with the green eyes. Finally.

     I got into the elevator and pushed the button for my floor.

     After Bella had gone inside, I'd headed home. I'd been cold, having only my sweater to cover my body, but I hadn't completely paid attention to that. I'd been too caught up in my thoughts, looking back at the night's events. At everything Bella had said. At the reveal. 

     I touched my lips for the third time that night and whispered her name to myself. Her real name. "Bella." It felt right. At last. Like a child trying to jam a puzzle piece into a part it didn't belong in, trying to make the small curve somehow embrace the larger one. That's how I felt. I'd been trying to figure Hanna out when there hadn't been anything to figure out in the first place. There had been no place to put the piece in.

     Because there was no Hanna in the first place. 

     The elevator doors parted and I walked out.

     I wanted to figure Bella out, that was a truth, that was a given. Because, though I knew who she was, I knew what she hid, I knew the truth now, I still felt there was something she was holding back. That last piece of the puzzle. I didn't know what led me to believe that - perhaps an intuition - but I knew that once I acquired that last piece, things would make sense. 

     Because they didn't. Not completely. Her walls were still up, I could see that. But there was still something else...something she wasn't telling me...and I wanted to know everything. Bella already knew that. I had made it clear enough.

     And she was telling me. She was letting me in. Telling me who she was, revealing her secret. To me. She was trusting me. We were getting to a point where...where those walls just weren't mean to exist anymore. Getting to a place where the secrets did not exist any longer. Where the real her was free, so alive, shining bright like a diamond. I was pretty sure this was a place no one had ever seen. A place no one had ever gotten even remotely close to seeing. 

     And it made it feel all that more special. 

     I took out my key and unlocked the door of my apartment. Both actions were mindless. Mechanical. I've done this so many times that my body does it without me asking it to each time. 

     I continued to think about her, about Bella, as I went in. The place was dark. It had been dark when I'd left. I felt my way through, nearly tripping on the living room couch, and hitting my knee on the wall. I reached my room with adjusted eyes and an aching knee. 

     I couldn't go to sleep at first. Thoughts buzzed about like bumblebees, swirling around my head, making me toss and turn. I turned my pillow twice and tried out three different positions to reach at least minimum comfort. But nothing worked.

     It wasn't until I decided to screw it all and stopped trying to sleep that I did. I felt a sleep and I dreamed. 

     I dreamed of cold, dark places. Dinky, foul-smelling. The stench of cigarettes was potent in the air. It so pugent that it was hard for to breathe. I coughed twice, covering my mouth, my nose, with my hands. I sat on a corner; a cold, moist corner, dusty. My knees were tucked in. I couched again and I heard him groal. It sent fear flashing through my veins, made me shiver. I held my breath and wrapped my hands around my knee. I felt a pain as I did that and I glanced at them. Dark purple bruises covered the lenght of my legs. Bruises I hadn't know I had. They hurt when I touched them. I winced.