After Jojen's outburst, I felt so much anxiety. I played the game with Theon well, laughing at his jokes and innocent touching. However, Jojen was always on my mind. Was his outburst in regards to what I told Mother about the consummation? Did Jojen care about me that much that he didn't want to be forced to endure watching me lay with Theon? Or was he just lucid? I needed to know.
Theon walked me to my chamber door after yet another stroll in the gardens. It wasn't that his company was unpleasant, maybe I was distracted. Maybe I could dig deep down in my heart and love this man, this stranger from the North. I turned to face him, desperate to get back to Jojen.
"Thank you for accompanying me, Lehna. I find myself greatly enjoying this time with you." Theon said.
"As do I, Theon. You are very kind." I reached out and took his hand. He looked into my eyes, like he was finding something he'd lost long ago. I smiled at him and suddenly the distance between us got smaller. His free hand stroked my cheek and I felt myself blush. Was I warming up to him or was I embarrassed? Before I could decide he had gently placed his lips on mine.
"Goodnight, Princess Lehna," he whispered.
"G - goodnight Theon," I stuttered. I hurried into my chambers. I found Jojen struggling to sit up. "You're awake," I gasped and ran to his side.
"Yes, and I would like out of this bed," he grumbled, "This - this is your bed! Where have you been sleeping?" His eyes went to the chair next to the bed and his face fell. "Lehna," he whispered. "Oh dear, why did you do this to yourself?" He touched the dark circles under my eyes.
"I was worried about you. It was my fault, I should have taken better care of you! I sat there for days muttering spells to heal you until I passed out. Why didn't the spells work?"
Jojen patted the side of the bed next to him. "To hell with what's appropriate, you're exhausted." I climbed to his side and he put a comforting arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer to him. "Healing spells are complicated. Small scratches and bruises will heal easily with a spell because they're not dire. In my...situation... I could have lived or died. Trying to heal me would require a life for a life."
"Is there a special spell for that? Jojen, I must know." I pleaded.
My teacher sighed. "There is, but Lehna you don't understand. You don't get to choose the life that is taken. If you had done the spell, your mother could have died or anyone else you cared about."
"Oh.... Jojen?"
"Yes Lehna?"
"You regained consciousness last night while I was talking to the Queen. Do you remember?"
Jojen paused. I couldn't read his face. After what seemed like an hour, he whispered quietly, "I do."
"Do you remember what we talked about?"
His jaw clenched slightly. "I do."
"Do you remember what you said?" I was so scared. What if he didn't remember? I would have to tell him, and that would require voicing my feelings for him.
"I do." He was so stern all of a sudden. It seemed like he was scared too.
"What did you mean?" These were dangerous waters, but there was no turning back now.
Jojen took a deep breath. "I meant that I could not bear to watch you with him. And as your teacher I would be required to. Lehna in our short time together I have grown to care about you very much. And I know that I can never have you, which is why this declaration hurts so much. But you are a kind soul, and you don't have the lust for power as many people have. You are breathtaking. I count being in your presence a privilege and cherish every moment."
My eyes filled with tears and I wrapped my arms around his small frame. This couldn't wait any longer. I pressed my lips to his and his arms went to my waist pulling me closer. This just felt right. I never wanted to pull away.
Jojen was the one to stop the kiss. "Lehna, we shouldn't."
"Why?"
"Because I'm falling for you and you're promised to another."
