Poem From A Troubled Depressed Teenager

5th Part

1.I feel the blood flowing through my veins I can feel my heartbeat pounding each minute knowing this could be my last day here on earth I struggle not knowing where I will go or what I will see or who, I may not know if there is something after but if there is I know I won't go to a happy place I feel sorrow cause I know where I'll be but I think back to everything I did and was it really worth me doing all the bad causing me to become who I am today.

2.I wake up each morning wondering why am I still here and why will this nightmare never end I walk around feeling alone not knowing when others will be back but I know even when they would come home I'd feel alone I don't understand why I feel alone and abandoned but I just don't know how to change my thoughts and the way I think I just hate when I want to be gone but I know it's going to be a long ride and I have to wait till the time is right but let me tell when it comes time I'm ready.

3.To whom this may concern I may be different and think different but I am true to myself.To whom this may concern I may not look like a perfect barbie but I know I am pretty and unique in my own way.To whom this may concern I might not be a straight A student but I know I'm smart.To whom this may concern I may be rude but I know at least I'm being honest and not lying to those I love even if it causes pain.To whom this might concern I struggle not knowing if people do love me they say yes but my heart says no.To whom this may concern I write this not knowing who will really understand what I felt when writing this.To whom this may concern I may want to die and I do not fear it but I am scared of where i'll go.To whom this may concern I honestly wrote this because I feel lost and misunderstood.To whom this may concern this is the last I write for now because this makes me sad.

4.As I lay down for bed I think of what my life could've been and what it is now and to realize I let myself and others down is the worst feeling but knowing if I could change it I would and I would be proud.

5.As I sit in the dark and write this I wonder what the true meaning of loneliness is cause as I write this I feel alone and abandoned and unwanted I look out to the sky and I see the stars and I wonder what it would be like to be as free as they are and have no obligation to no one nor please anyone and how they look so beautiful and how people admire them.

6.I see kids playing in the street and I think of my childhood knowing it was amazing as I think about my childhood I remember the best of time but then thinking upon my past I get into the darkness and all the hell I raised and what is sending me to the devil himself but people say to believe in redemption and see what good will come out of it but as they say so I tell them I have no problem where I go the only problem is I'll be more alone than I am now.

7.I love the way he smiles and the way he walks around to perfectly he may not be the best person in the world but to me he is someone I'd never stop believing in he says were good friends and deep down he doesn't know he is breaking me into pieces I can not put back as I see the way he looks at her I wonder what is wrong with me and I can't help but wonder if I'll never move on because living with this pain is like making a deal with devil cause they're always the continuing pain to torture you with all they have and let me tell you it is not always worth the pain.