Self Destruction Is Such A Pretty Little Thing // Brusnop

I don't know what to name this chapter, okay?

A/N: Holy fuck guys. It's been like forever since I've updated. I'm sorry I've just been going through alot of shit and its hard to write when you're not feeling, well, happy I guess. Idk maybe it's just me being lazy. I'm also a bit stuck at the moment but I'm trying to think of new ideas so bear with me please. Again I'm so sorry it's been so long. I came on and saw it had almost 1000 reads and I was just amazed. Thank you soooo much for reading and ill try to update more; I promise. Just to make up for my lack of updating, there's a video of Ben and James kissing on the side somewhere. I found it a-fucking-dorable.

I also changed the picture because I felt like it completely described the story: Ben looks sad while Danny looks extremely carefree. My exact character plot. And I just thought this picture was beautiful for some reason. Sorry if the words are hard to read though because it was hard to find a place they would show up so they're tiny. Over Bens face says self destruction if it looks weird. So yeah.

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"Ben?" I stared at the ceiling. He was on the couch and I was on the floor. This is where we had to sleep.

"Yeah?" He replied in a sleepy voice.

"You know um....I was engaged to Andy...before all of this. Before I found you." I waited for his response. I really hope this wouldn't ruin what we had just fixed.

"Oh...." He muttered in a shocked tone, then was silent for a while.

"But I regret it. All of it." I tried to reassure him. "Benny?" I asked when it'd been a few minutes.

He mumbled an effortless 'mhmm'. I shouldn't have even told him. It would've been fine. I looked up at him to see his back facing towards me, laying on his side. Maybe I should've tried to explain more. What was there to explain? I was almost constantly drunk when Ben was away, and the sober moments I spent either writing songs or with my dogs. I could tell Andy was worried for me. I was even bloody drunk when I proposed to him. I'm such a fucking screw up. I had to find a way to convince Ben that I loved him. More than Andy. I even seemed like a douche bag to myself.

"Ben, look at me." He let out a breath before turning to me with tears in his eyes.

"I know, you probably think I'm so fucking weak. I'm always crying. Why do you even like me?" He blurted out, rubbing his eyes. "You had Andy and you could've been perfectly happy with him, I'm me, I've been a fuck up since day one, m-my body's littered with scars, and mostly-" I couldn't stand hearing it. I held the side of his face with my hand and abruptly crushed my lips into his. He seemed to jump slightly shock, but relaxed. I slowly climbed up to the couch, not letting our lips part. I shifted to straddle his hips, parting our lips only for a moment. He stared up at me with noticeable sadness, maybe fear in his eyes.

"You're perfect and I love you."

I whispered, my forehead resting against his. He opened his mouth to say something, but I pressed my lips against his before he could. And he kissed back this time, almost hungrily. I slid my tongue across his lip before biting one of his lip rings, gaining the exact response I wanted. He let out a loud moan, running a hand through my hair which was now tangled for that reason. I giggled and mocked the sound he made.

"Shut up." He hissed in a fake angry tone.

"Jesus! I said you could sleep here, not fuck on my couch!" Sam yelled from his room in a harsh, annoyed tone. We both laughed and I moved over so I was beside Ben, somehow, we both fit on the couch. Sideways of course.

"We need to get our own place."

"Right we do." Ben replied, turning to face me. "Danny?"

"Yes Ben?"

"I love you too."

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The next morning, I was awoken by a phone call. I stared at the screen of my phone, trying to get my eyes to focus on the screen. I saw it was Ashley Purdy. Great. What could he possibly want? I looked around before answering. Sam, Ben, Cam, and James were in the kitchen. I answered it.

"Hello?" I said hesitantly. 

"Hey, is everything alright?... With Andy?" He asked.

"No.. Everything's not alright. We actually broke up. I'm with Ben." I answered almost harshly.

"Oh.. Well he's really um.. He's really upset." 

I knew Andy would be upset obviously. And I knew Ben was when I kissed Andy. Ben just matters a whole lot more to me. 

"You can tell him I'm sorry but that won't change a thing." 

"But do you think you could talk to him?" He asked hesitantly. My stomach turned and I glanced around the room again. I couldn't talk to Andy. 

"Uh... Look, sorry I really g-gotta go." I stammered before hanging up. I stood in the same spot for a while, my mind blank, before wandering into the kitchen where the guys were making pancakes. More like throwing around the ingredients.

"DANNY!" Ben yelled, dropping a spatula and sloppily kissing me on the cheek.

"Could you not!?!" James screeched. Ben laughed until he noticed I wasn't laughing too. I was still thinking about the phone call. I was thinking about how careless and inconsiderate I had been. I really hurt Andy. I just kept wondering how he was feeling. 

"Danny?" Ben now had a worried look on his face. I didn't answer. I kept staring at the floor. "DANNY!!"

"Huh?" I looked up sharply and everyone else was staring at me too.

"You okay buddy?" Sam asked cautiously. 

"Um, yeah... I'm fine Why?" I didn't want to tell them about what happened or about what I was thinking about. Surely not Ben. 

"You just looked- Nevermind whatever." Ben started. "What should we do today? Tour doesn't start for a week."

"We could go to the movies..?" Cam suggested. We nodded in agreement.