Self Destruction Is Such A Pretty Little Thing // Brusnop

Moving On

Fuck. Fuck this was bad. They couldn't find him? What the hell was that supposed to mean? And more importantly, where do I come in? 

"Were on tour- as you knew, I think- and he never came back to the bus after our show," 

I sighed, running a hand through my hair and stepping out the front door of Sam's house. I decided it would probably be best if I kept this conversation from the guys for now. 

"Why are you telling me this? I can't do anything about it." I managed to answer, breathing in the fresh air I'd been neglecting myself recently. Nearly every time I've had the chance to experience the smell before rain, or the neighbours bonfire there's been a cigarette between my fingers. It's a scent I've become too familiar with. 

"God, I don't know, because you know him better than any of us? Let's not forget you were engaged to him before you ran off with your guitarist." 

His words were like fire, though I couldn't care less what he thought. Somehow, he was giving me that uneasy feeling in my stomach that I only get from alcohol these days. It was fucking awful- I felt fucking awful. They way he was describing it made me realise that I really was the asshole in this situation; not just the second half of a forbidden love story. I fucking broke Andy. It's really easy to say my life is a love story right now if you're looking at it from the right angle. It's pretty hard to look from the right angle though, when someone reminds you that you're a fucking monster. That you broke someone's heart to save another's. And hell, I wished I was piss ass drunk right then, just like I was the night this all started. 

"Are you still there?" Ashley asked when I hadn't answered for almost a minute. 

"Yeah," I mumbled. "Yeah, I'm here."

"Danny, can you please just help us? As much as you're probably living some fucking fairy tale right now, you're the reason this all started. And, shit, we were all friends before any of this, right? What happened to that?" 

"I don't know what happened to that," I said, leaning against the bricks. "Where are you?"

"Were still in town. I figured you'd be around." 

And it all came together. I was really sober, sober enough to know exactly where he probably was. I did know Andy more than any of them did. I used to be in love with him- I used to live and breathe him. If there's one place he would run away to, I knew where that place was. 

"I'll find him," I said before hanging up and returning to the warm house. 

"What were you doing?" Ben asked from the doorway of the living room.

"You know you're allowed to smoke in here, right?" I heard Sam yell, and yeah, I knew. 

"I was on the phone, sorry. Hey, I'm gonna go out for a bit, okay?" I directed toward Ben, and he gave me a sceptical look. 

"Okay," He replied, though it sounded sort of like a question, and he looked lost.