Neighbors; c.d.

Chapter 18. Explaining

"Cameron, wh-what are you doing here?" I asked, hugging him tightly. I felt his arms wrap around me and pull me closer to him.

"I wanted to see you and we have a show tomorrow night, not tonight. So I came to see you, and remembered that the Winter Formal was tonight." he explained. I smiled against his chest with some tears on my cheeks. "You look beautiful, by the way." I pulled away from the hug and smiled even more at him.

"You don't look too bad yourself." I said, wiping tears from my cheeks.

After the Winter Formal, Cameron and I decided to go for a walk. Luckily, we both brought our coats or else we'd be human ice cubes.

"Cam, I have--I have to tell you something." I said, remembering Juilliard.

"What is it?" he asked, looking over at me. I stopped walking, which made him stop and turn to face me.

"I got into Juilliard. The school I wanted to go to in New York." I said.

"Anna, that's great!" Cameron exclaimed, wrapping his arms around me. When I didn't hug back, Cameron pulled away.

"Cam, don't you understand? After senior year, your acting career or even your Vine career may take off. And I'll be in New York. We won't be able to be together any more. Our lives are gonna take different turns and those turns don't lead back to each other." I said, pushing my hair out of my face. Cameron's face fell.

"Anna, why are you being so negative about this? I can come with you to New York. And you're forgetting that the graduating time is half a year away. You don't have to be thinking about all this right now." Cameron said, stepping towards me.

"Cam, how are you not thinking about this? You already told me that you got accepted into University of California in Berkely. That's on the other side of the country from mine. Long distance relationships never work."

"Those people who have long distance relationships never worked hard enough for the relationship. An, this is all in our future."

"Cameron. We don't know what will happen. What if we make all these plans and then we break up? What happens then?"

"You think we're gonna break up in the future?" Cameron asked, his voice quiet.

"It was an 'if'." I defended quietly.

"Anna, why would you even think about us breaking up? I'm..." he trailed off, raking his hands through his hair.

"You're what, Cam?" I asked, looking up at him.

"I'm in love with you." he blurted. I froze, just looking at him.

"Cam, we're eighteen. Neither of us knows what love is."

"So? All I know is that it's like my life doesn't work without you. Before, it seemed perfectly fine. Then I saw you on the balcony this summer and it was like my whole life now revolved around you. And it still does. Do you know how much it killed me to not miss my flight two months ago? Anna, how could you even use us breaking up as an 'if'?" Cameron asked, his voice raising.

"Cameron, I'm trying to cover every possibility here. Why are you getting so mad about this?" I shouted.

"Did you not hear me? I'm fucking in love with you, Anna." he shot back.

"Cameron, stop. It was an 'if'. I'm not saying that we're gonna break up or anything." I tried again.

"But you're also not saying that you see our relationship carrying on into the future." Cameron said, a tear slipping down his cheek. A piece of my heart chipped away at the sight of him crying. "Did something go wrong while I was away?"

I hesitated. "There was a picture of you and a fan. Looking like you were about to kiss. It made me get jealous. I also woke up. All these of millions of girls want you and you could fall for one of them. I know it's a stupid thing to worry about, but I worry about it. Cameron, you have to stop thinking that you and I have this perfect relationship because we don't." I snapped. 

I clenched my jaw, realizing what I just said.

"But we have a relationship." Cameron whispered.

"Why does it feel like we don't anymore?" I asked, my voice hoarse.

"Anna, don't say that." Cameron said, shaking his head and walking over to me.

"I can't do this any more, Cam. I know you'll probably have more tours in the future and I can't just keep pretending that I'm okay with these random girls saying that they love you, and they kiss you on the cheek, or they hug you, or whatever. I just...I can't do this any more." I said, shaking my head and walking away.

"Anna, how come you never said that you loved me back?" Cameron called from behind me.

"Because I...don't love you." I choked out the last part, stumbling over my words.

"You know you don't mean that. You're just too afraid to say it." he replied. 

I could tell from his voice that he was crying.

"No, Cam. I don't love you." I said, more firm this time. There was silence.

"Fine." was all I heard.

"I hope you have a great rest of your tour." I told him before walking back to the school.