Lost Cause (Tyler Carter)

Chapter 30

So far, the weekend has been dreadful and filled with tears and anger. And it's only been half a day.

I was home alone because my mom couldn't afford to miss work. I haven't even picked up my phone since yesterday when Tracy called me. I know there are a ton of people trying to contact me, but I just can't talk to anyone right now. I know that's selfish, but I really don't care.

I just can't believe she's gone. After all that's happened, all that I've lost, after thinking I can't lose anything else, I lose her. The person who meant more to me than anyone else. The person who motivated me and pushed me to do better. Gone in the blink of an eye.

Suddenly, I heard the doorbell ring. I got out of my bed and dragged ass down the hall to the front door.

I swung the door open and standing in the doorway was Tracy.

"Tracy," I said.

"Hi, Tyler. I tried to call, but you didn't pick up."

"Oh, um, yeah. Sorry about that." I said.

"It's fine." She said. "Dani and I were just about to go to the hospital and I didn't want to take her off without you knowing."

I felt a knot in my throat and I couldn't get any words out.

"I would ask if you'd like to come, but they would make you sit in the waiting room." She said.

I nodded. "It's fine."

"But, I just wanted to keep in touch." She said. "How are you, today?"

How are you, today?

That question struck me. It hurt to try to answer it.

I looked down and, again, felt the knot in my throat. I shrugged my shoulders.

"Yeah, me too." She said. "I also wanted to give you something."

I looked back up at her. I stepped to the side of the doorway. "Here, come in."

She did.

We sat down on the couch and she searched through her purse. She pulled out a ring.

"This was really special to Rachel. It was her father's wedding ring." She said, handing it to me.

"But, wait, it was your husband's." I said.

"I know." She said. "Rachel would want you to have it."

"But, it should stay in your family."

"Think about it, Tyler." She said. "What family?" She whispered.

That hit me hard. But I held back tears for her sake.

"Keep it and wear it everyday until your wedding day. When you look at it, you think of her." She said.

I took the ring and held it in my left hand.

"Well, I should get going." She said.

I nodded. "Okay."

She stood up from the couch, as did I.

"It was good seeing you." She said.

"You, too." I said, giving her a small hug.

"Bye, Tyler."

"Bye."

She left out the front door and I watched through the living room window her car drive away.

I put the ring in the pocket of my shorts. I went into the kitchen to get my phone from where I left it on the counter.

I unlocked it and I had tons of messages and missed calls. One call from Josh, one from Michael, one from Sky, two from A.J., and one from my mom from just a little bit ago.

None from my dad.

I put my phone back down without reading any messages.

I went upstairs to put on shoes and a jacket.

I ran a comb through my hair before leaving out the front door.

I walked towards Michael's house and I hoped he was there.

As I walked down the sidewalk, I reached in my pocket for the ring. It was laced with shiny silver.

I put it on my ring finger. For a split second, it felt like Rachel was here again. It felt like she was walking next to me, watching me put the ring on as if she had just given it to me herself. But when I looked up, she wasn't there.

When I got to Michael's, his car was sitting in the driveway, so I knew he was here.

I knocked on the door and waited for an answer. The door swung open and Michael stood inside.

"Hey, Tyler," He said, moving to the side. "come in."

I did and he shut the door.

"Sara still here?" I asked.

"No, she left this morning." He said.

I nodded.

"How are you doing?" He asked.

"Awful." I said. I let my body fall onto the couch. "I feel like my heart's been ripped out of my chest."

He sat on the other end of the couch with his knees pulled to his chest. "It's hard. I get it."

"It's even worse because we were fighting and that's why she left." I said. "And we were fighting because I'm a fucking idiot."

"Why are you an effing idiot?" He asked.

I hesitated before answering. I forgot that he didn't know.

"I'm a drug dealer, Michael." I said.

I immediately felt a tension. I knew that he had a judgement, but he wasn't going to say it.

"I had told her that I quit, but I lied. Then, she found out." I said. "It's all my fault."