LOL, Bitch Thinks Im Good(On Hold)

Chapter Twelve: Friends or?

Now now, I thought for myself, he is still the spawn of the devil himself. I was doubting if Tom really did have a soul and a somewhat conscience. The words he had said the day before, how he called me strong and all they puzzled me.

Huh.

I was seriously doubting if I had misjudged him, but his douchy attitude from before really did crash with what he showed me. That soft side. The side that told me that he somehow simply knew what to say to make me feel better.

No. I was not going to sink down there again. I was not going to be depressed, no more sad crying Kayla. No more hopelessness. What happened happened and can't be changed. So I'll move on from there, ignoring the fact that maybe Tom and I had a fragile truce between us. I thought about his wonderful brother. I should apologize myself to him. How I had discussed so unfairly towards his beliefs and thoughts. I knew that he would forgive me without the slightest sign of hesitation, but I was actually ashamed of myself.

Oh God, what has this school done to me? I had gotten a conscience under a month and had started feeling shame towards a friend I barely knew.

Me and shame have been strangers to each other for quite some time. We're talking about the girl who had gone naked around the Manhattan streets. Again, the shame and me have never ever crossed paths.

Yet now I felt it stab my back so stubbornly.

I jumped off my bed where I had been lying and thinking to myself in an hour or so. It was a Saturday night and the headmaster and the principal gave the students three hours to roam around the town if they wanted to. I chose not to even though Lyla had invited me to join her and her friends. I thanked her, but turned down the offer and she seemed disappointed. She went anyway and I hoped for her sake that she was having fun.

Hey, look at me, I actually care about someone other than myself. And once again, this scared me so much I went to the cafeteria to get me pudding.

Pudding always helped. Always.

“That'll be eight dollars.” the woman behind the long desk smiled at me and showed me the years of neglect she had given her poor teeth. I smiled back, grossed to the core , but took the cup of pudding and practically ran back to my dorm. I sighed as I was by the front door of the main girl dorm. Instead of going inside I turned around to sit by the benches. There was a park looking area around me. I crossed my legs to keep some warmth. I was wearing shorts and a long T-shirt. I felt comfortable as the moon barely peeped out of the clouds up in the sky.

I ate in silence.

“Why do I usually find you alone?”

For shit's sake, could God or whoever stop this? I didn't turn around and kept on pushing the spoon inside my mouth with anger. He came out of the trees shadows with a smirk. I kept on eating hurriedly, stressed.

“You're a stalker,” I said mouthful. “A lowlife stalker.”

Tom sat down at the opposite side of the fragile bench. I felt myself suddenly move as he put all his weight on his seat. I grinned.

“Gained a few pounds?” I laughed.

“It's the bench.” he muttered and looked away.

Yeah right. I kept on eating and eating, fearing for the cup of pudding to end. I really hated eating because I knew soon there would be no more and I would get hungry again. I had no money. I spent the last on this cup, but my brother who lived close by the school would send some cash soon.

He had visited me several of times and I hadn't seen him in bed with Lyla yet. Way to go, brother, I am so very proud of how you kept your Junior inside its cage for so long. I knew he liked Lyla by the way he looked at her when he came by.