the marauders- an inseparable bond

[22] the last journey to hogwarts

"EVERYBODY UP!" shouted Mr. Potter, walking up and down the halls, knocking on various doors. "We've got a big day ahead!"

Sirius dragged himself out from under the warm covers first, and ran to his boyfriend's bed, where he promptly began to tickle him. Remus jerked awake with cry.

"Stop it! No, really! Padfoot!"

"Then get up, Moony my sweet."

Groggily, Remus pushed himself into a sitting position, shot Sirius the evil eye, and said:

"I hate you, just letting you know."

Sirius couldn't help noticing how attractive the other boy's hair was, all messed up and sticking in every possible direction, so he replied with a grin:

"I love you."

Sirius realized what he'd said the moment the words escaped his lips. Remus looked at him for a second, shocked, then quickly hurried out of the room. Left alone with his two sleeping friends, thoughts swirled rapidly through the dog's mind. He had just told Remus that he loved him. It had just slipped out... Love was such a big word, and he cursed himself for not thinking before he spoke. Whenever he had pictured them saying those words for the first time, it would be alone, together in a special place, maybe when they'd been dating for longer. Did he love Remus, though? He thought of the boy, the boy who cared so much for each of the marauders, who was content to sit in a corner with a book for hours on end, the boy who was so incredibly intelligent but never thought much of himself, who wore awkwardly big sweaters around the castle like it was nobody's business, who look so happy and proud every time Sirius held his hand... If anything was love, Sirius thought, this had to be it. And then, for the first time in a long time, Sirius Orion Black was scared. Scared that he might lose this boy, and scared that he didn't feel the same way. Remus had ran out in shock, Sirius tried to reassure himself, but in sinking corner of his heart he wondered if maybe it might have been because he didn't love Sirius.

"Get yourself together," he whispered to himself. He dressed and did his hair, shook the other two awake, then slipped downstairs to have breakfast. When he reached the kitchen, however, he noticed in horror that not only was Remus there, concentrating very intently on his coffee, but so were James' parents. It was the most awkward breakfast he had ever experienced. Remus avoided his eye and the two of them did not speak. Mr and Mrs Potter made a few feeble attempts at conversation with them which quickly died. Halfway through his cereal, he noticed with a pang to his heart that Remus wasn't drinking coffee, but hot chocolate, reminding him of how much he just wanted to wrap the other boy in an enormous hug and never let go. He finished eating quickly, then ran upstairs to brush his teeth and pack, passing Peter, James and Lily on the staircase. After he was done, he brought his trunk and his owl, Neptune, outside. He knew that Remus wouldn't go into the bedroom until he was gone, and Sirius wanted to give him some time to get his stuff ready. He sat on his trunk, staring into the distance in a bit of a trance. He didn't notice James had come and sat beside him until he heard the stag say:

"Oi! I want to know what's going on between you and Remus. Now."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not stupid Padfoot. He wouldn't go into the room until you had left and when you guys passed each other you wouldn't even look up!"

"It's nothing, really."

James gave him an incredulous stare.

"Sirius Black, you two are my best friends and you are supposed to be DATING so you better spill the beans on what's happening."

"Fine," Sirius said huffily, "but it's no big deal. I was just bugging him this morning so he said he hated me and then I-"

"You what?"

Sirius blushed.

"I said I loved him."

James grinned.

"You dork."

"Shut it, Prongs."

"Well, do you?"

"What?"

"Love him."

"Well yes, but I didn't really mean to say it, it just sort of came out."

"Then what happened?"

"Well we both sort of just sat their for a moment, and then he ran out of the room and we've been avoiding each other ever since."

James thought for a second, then said:

"I'm going to go talk to him."

"You're- NO!"

Sirius leapt to his feet and ran in front of his friend.

"No- you can't!"

"Sirius," James sighed, "You can't just ignore each other forever. Whether you like it or not, you're going to have to talk about it with him at one point."

Accepting defeat, Sirius let him pass.

***

Sirius was nervous. After James had gone to talk to his boyfriend, he hadn't found a chance to talk to Prongs again. He'd rushed through the hustle and bustle of last minute packing, trying to find him, until Mr. Potter swept them all into the car to drive to the station. Now that they'd arrived, there were too many people around to have a private conversation. He stumbled through the crowd beside Lily and the other marauders, waving hi at classmates half-consciously. Finally, they waved goodbye and climbed aboard the train. However, when they reached a first empty compartment, James said:

"We've decided that you guys should have some alone time. Sirius, Remus, here you are!"

Sirius stared at him, shocked, but then was pushed forward into the compartment by Lily, along with Remus.

"Bye, see you at Hogwarts!" piped up Peter, and he closed the door behind them.

What followed was probably one of the most awkward silences the two marauders had ever experienced. They tried avoiding each other's eyes for a while, and eventually, Remus pulled out a book. He was just opening it up when Sirius dared to speak:

"Wait."

Remus looked up, fearful.

"The others were right, we do need to talk about this."

Remus gave a short nod.

"I suppose you're right. Do you want to start, or...?"

"Yeah, sure. Okay, here it goes. You know that I never really think before I speak, and I sort of meant in a joking way, but it came out in such a serious tone..."

Remus relaxed, letting these words wash over him. Just as he'd thought, it had all been a misunderstanding.

"But I realized afterwards that I meant it."

Remus looked up quite suddenly.

"I love you, Remus Lupin, I really do, and you don't have to say it back yet if you don't want to, or ever, I just wanted you to know."

"I love you too."

He murmured it so quietly, barely a whisper, but Sirius heard him.