the marauders- an inseparable bond

[28] hogwarts; again

Four boys sat in a train compartment, the English countryside whizzing by outside their window. Peter had fallen asleep, his head on James' shoulder, and Remus was lying down with his head in Sirius' lap, who was running his fingers through Remus' hair.

"I want to get a tattoo," Remus said all of a sudden.

"What?" said Sirius and James at the same time, and Sirius stopped stroking his hair.

"But tattoos hurt Moony! And you could get like an infection, or..." he trailed off. "What exactly is it you want a tattoo of?"

"A wolf," Remus replied.

The other two looked at him uneasily, unsure what to say.

"Right here," he added, trailing his fingers across his ribs on his left side.

The train hit a bump, and Peter was jolted awake.

"Whashappanin," he mumbled, rubbing his eyes.

"Remus wants a tattoo," said James, "Of a wolf."

"What? But I thought that he didn't like wolves because of you-know-what."

"Yeah, um, that's what I was going to say."

"Yeah," Remus said, "Well, it's kind of like, for so long, I've hated this part of myself. And this year, we're leaving Hogwarts, and it's kind of closure to a lot of things, and we're leaving behind this era of our lives. I feel like it should also mark the time where I come to terms with this part of myself and I wear it proudly."

"That makes sense. I'm proud of you, Moony," Sirius said, taking Remus' hand.

"Thanks babe," Remus said, placing his lips on the other boy's cheek.

"What do you say, should I get a rainbow tattoo?" Sirius grinned.

Remus groaned.

"Please don't."

"Aw come on, why not?"

"Because it's like, corny."

"But I have pride!"

"Believe me, I know."

"Eh, I probably wouldn't be brave enough to do it. You're insane, you know that?'

Remus laughed.

"Yeah, I know. I'll buy you a really gay shirt or something."

"Thanks."

"I swear, you gays are like a cult or something," said James.

***

The train ride was dull. The feast was dull. Everything was dull without her. His Slytherin friends had gotten colder and more distant over the summer, as had he. Was this what they were destined to be? Husks of men without emotion, without meaning, who not long ago had been only bullying schoolboys? When dinner was over, he hurried out of the hall so he wouldn't have to endure more of the conversation about what he was up to these days. Snape tried not to think about him too much, it just made him feel conflicted and honestly life was simpler when he wasn't thinking too much. He made his way through the dimly lit common room and scrambled down the stone steps to the seventh year dorm (they were the lowest level). Once he arrived inside, he threw himself on his bed and started to cry. After a while of the ragged sobs shaking his body, he fought to control his breathing, stood up and walked to his desk. He pulled out a pot of ink and a quill, as well as a piece of parchment and began to write furiously.

Lily-

I try not to think about much these days, especially you. The honest truth is that you were the only thing that made me happy, and now I feel empty all the time. The thing is-

Snape looked nervously around just to make sure no one had entered the dorm.

I think I love you. No, that's wrong. I do love you. So much, Lily, so much, and it hurts me that you'll never know, that no one will ever know. I miss you constantly. When I see you in the hallway with Potter, it makes me feel sick to my stomach that you'll never know how much I love you and that I should be the one with you.
Love always,
Sev

***

Lily sat on the windowsill of the largest window of the owlery, staring out at the grounds below. It was the first Sunday since they'd arrived. On her very first Sunday at Hogwarts, Lily had climbed out of bed just before the sun had risen and walked around the castle. She had already been in love with the place, but it was still unfamiliar, and so she walked up staircase after staircase and strolled through endless hallways, trying to take it all in. As the sunlight filtered through the windows and warmed her, she cried. She knew that she was happy, and would always be inside these walls. This is it, she thought now. This has been my home and my sanctuary and now I am leaving and that is terrifying but I am so excited.
"There you are."
She glanced over her shoulder and saw James making his way towards her, his smile made somehow more beautiful by the early morning sunlight.
"What are you doing up so early?" she smiled.
He shrugged, and came to sit next to her, with his arms wrapped around her waist and his lips gently brushing along her neck.
"I love you," he murmured against her skin.
"I love you," she said, knowing that she would be happy, even when she left this place, because she had him.