Competition

Fifteen

I stared at the wall and waited.

This was the longest two minutes of my life.

I stared at the wall and waited impatiently. I wanted to know my fate. I wanted to know what my stupid Ava-style actions had caused me.

Two minutes was finally over and I looked.

My heart sighed like a massive anchor had been lifted from it. I had never felt so free and relieved in my whole life.

'I had been feeling really nauseas and irritated and tired,' I replied. 'I just wanted to throw up so badly, and I was having these really bad headaches.'

'Oh god Cilla,' Ava said. 'Did you see a doctor?'

I shook my head. 'No.'

'Are you okay?'

'I took a pregnancy test,' I said. There was silence on the other line. Ava waited for me to speak. 'It was negative.'

'Oh my god!' Ava screeched. 'Oh Cilla.'

'You need to calm down...'

'I wish that you had told me,' Ava said. 'I would have been there with you.'

'It was something that I needed to do by myself,' I replied. 'Its fine though. You're the first person I've told.'

'Are you feeling better now?'

'Yeah,' I replied. 'I think it was just the stress of thinking I was pregnant.'

'So what are you going to do then?'

'I think I'm going to talk to Howard,' I replied. 'I feel like we need to talk.'

'Do you want me to meet you?'

'I'll be fine,' I replied. 'I've got to go. Wiley is calling for some food.'

'Okay babes,' Ava said. 'I'll call you tonight then maybe we can get some food or something.'

'Okay,' I said. 'Thank you Ava. You've been so amazing.'

'You deserve the best,' Ava replied. 'You've been amazing too.'

'Love you.'

'Love you too.'

'I missed my period,' I said.

Howard looked at me.

'I've been feeling sick and tired and just not like myself,' I said eating my lettuce in salad dressing. 'I don't know.'

'What do you mean?'

'I just don't know how you feel about everything between us,' I replied shaking my head. 'I just feel like... I don't know.'

'I don't know what you mean,' Howard replied. 'How I feel about what?'

'I get that you love me,' I said. 'But I can't help but feel odd. I know we said that we wouldn't bring this up, but what if something happens?'

'Are you pregnant?'

'I took a pregnancy test,' I said.

Howard was waiting for me, but I suddenly didn't want to finish. I wanted to hold him in suspense.

'And?'

I looked into Howard's eyes. 'I'm not pregnant.'

The same anchor that had lifted from me, lifted from Howard and we were two people eating dinner in a restaurant.

'Don't ever do that to me again,' he said. 'I was shitting myself.'

'Well,' I said.

'What's wrong?' he asked.

'Nothing,' I replied. My BlackBerry lit up and vibrated. I looked down at the text ID. It was Francis. I saw as Howard's eyes flashed for a split second at the name.

'Are we done here?' he asked calling over a waiter. 'I'm tired.'

'I'm still eating,' I said. 'You can clearly see that...'

'Well seeing as you're not pregnant I don't see why you need to continue eating,' he snapped. The waited came to our table. 'We're done here.'

The waited nodded and took our plates.

'What is wrong with you?!' I hissed. 'Stop acting like a fucking five year old.'

'I'm ready to leave,' Howard said burning my eyes.

The air was tight and I was finding it hard to breathe.

'Okay,' I said. 'Fine.'

Howard paid for our meal then we left the restaurant and went out to the valet to get his car.

We drove back to my apartment in silence.

'What the hell was that about?' I said when we were in my apartment. 'What the hell got into you?'

'I don't know what you mean,' he scoffed. 'Who's Francis?'

'He's nobody,' I replied shaking my head. 'He isn't anybody.'

'Then why do you have his number?'

'Are you jealous?' I scoffed.

Howard shook his head with squinted eyes. 'No. Of course not. Who is he?'

'Nobody!' I shouted. 'Francis is nobody.'

'Then why the fuck is he texting you?! What does he want.'

'You're jealous,' I taunted. 'Well this is funny.'

I could feel something in the air and I knew he wanted to hit me. Instead he grabbed my face and held it in his sweaty hands.

'I am in love with you Priscilla!' he shouted. 'I am in love you.'

I stopped for a second and looked into Howard's tired eyes. I held his hands with mine.

'Howard.'

'I love you Priscilla,' Howard said. He dropped his hands to his side and walked over to the bed and sat down. 'I don't know what to do. I thought this whole thing was a fluke. I had no idea how I really felt,' he looked at me. 'This is tearing me up.'

I stared at Howard who held his face in his hands. I was confused.

'How do you think I feel when I see you kissing your wife,' I said.

'So you spy on me now?'

'No,' I replied. 'I was having lunch with David when I saw you.'

'I'm sorry,' he said. 'But what do you expect? She is my wife.'

'You shouldn't be here,' I said. 'You should be at home with her.'

'She's not at home...'

'This is crazy,' I said. 'I can't be your bed-warmer...'

'You're not and you know it,' he said. 'Don't try and blow this whole thing bigger than it needs to be.'

'Why do you care then if I'm talking to Francis,' I said. 'You've got a wife.'

Howard looked up at me. 'Do you want me to leave her? Do you want me to get a divorce?'

I realised what I was asking of him. I couldn't.

'I just don't like the thought that you do to me, what you do to her,' I said. 'I can't stand that thought. I despise it.'

Howard got up from the bed and took my hands. He pulled down the sleeve of my gold lame and terracotta silk-chiffon draped Willow dress and kissed my shoulder. I stepped out of my black patent leather Rupert Sanderson pumps. He undid the zip and my dress fell to the floor. Howard stumbled back and landed, seated on the bed. I knelt down on the bed with my knees on either side of him, then pushed his back against the bed and kissed him.