INTERNET SUPPORT GROUP (PHAN)

Chapter 12: The Hell That is My Mind

I got discharged the day after and was told to wear the sling for two weeks. Me and Tyler drove back in silence. Dan was dead and it was all my fault.

"Tyler I'm sor-"
"Phil don't. We are both hurting right now. He was my best friend and your boyfriend. But it's done" he whispered. He was right. It's done and there's nothing I can do. I shouldn't have walked out. It's that simple I would do anything to change that. But I can't.

When I got home the first thing I did was burst into tears. Everything reminded me of Dan. Everything I saw or touched or smelt, it was Dan. Dans things, memories of Dan. I ran into his room and got one of his hoodies. It smelt just like him. I cradled it and remembered his screams. Why did I have to do that. I was such an idiot. I don't think I had ever cried that much. We had been friends for 6 years and together for a month. And that month I could do and say what I always wanted to do and say. My heart ached and I fell asleep, tears drenching his hoodie and pillow 

I woke up and it was dark. My throat hurt and my face was stained with dry tears. I hoped it was all a dream and I would wake up from this nightmare. I didn't want to move or breathe. I wanted to be with Dan.
My Danosaur
My soulmate
My best friend
My Dan
Mine.
I already missed his touch, his smile, his face. That it dawned on me. I would have to tell his subscribers. This was going to be the hardest video I had ever made. I dragged myself to the bathroom. I looked a mess; so pale, so tired, so weak. Splashing water on my face I felt I little better. It's all your fault you selfish shît

I was shocked, that's the first time the thoughts has spoken in 5 years

You're so pathetic. If you weren't here, dan would still be alive.

I know. Stop. I know it's my fault

We'll show its your fault. Do something
I knew exactly what it meant. I looked over at our cabinet tears still running down my face. The razors were in thereCould I?Should I?

Random Phangirl

I sat in my room talking to Kirsty on the phone. My were debating about who was hotter. Andy Biersack or Kellin Quinn. Both of knew they were both perfect. There was a ding on my IPad and we both hung up at the same time as it was a new danisnotonfire video called "goodbye". Clicking play happily and liking it before it started I settled down for whatever he had in store. There was no one on Dans bed and incame Phil. He sat down head down and I realised the video was not edited nor there was any music in the background. Phil looked up and I gasped; his eyes were red and puffy and he looked so pale.

"Hello danisnotonfire viewers" he said weakly. I had a sinking feeling in my stomach. Where was Dan? What was going on? "Erm so Dan was involved in a car accident yesterday" my heart broke. No! This is a dream. A joke. Something!"He died a few hours after. In surgery" and that's when my world crashed down. He couldn't be dead. This couldn't be happening. "So I guess that's it. No more danisnotonfire... And no more amazingphil. I can't. Not without him" he stuttered and his voice cracked and tears ran down his cheeks freely. He wiped them with his sleeve and i could see that there were cuts on his wrist. Tears fell from my eyes as i clutched my IPad, and that's when the words that I had been dreading from the start were said. "Goodbye Internet"

Phil

Someone was shaking me and i was pulled out of my slumber. It was Tyler.

"PHIL calm down please stop screaming" he sounded really concerned. I was confused, i wasn't screaming, was i? I stretched and opened my eyes to see familiar white walls and a strong alcohol smell. I was back at the hospital. "whats going on?" my head was spinning my was i here. I lifted up my sleeve. No cuts. What was going on? Why am i here? Tyler smiled and it go of my arm

"Phil you need to calm down im here everything going to be okay" i shook my head violently

"Tyler what the hell is going on?"

"Dan's awake" he replied. My heart thudded

"what?"

~~~~~~~~~~~

the fluck is going on?