I Just Want to be Me

Part II Madge: A story of self discovery

A/N: I'm sorry I didn't update yesterday as originally planned. It was my sister's engagement party last night and I didn't get a chance to.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Hunger Games.

Part II

Madge: A story of self-discovery

Here's the thing: I'm gay. But I'm also not. Everyone knows the former but they don't know the latter. I feel like it can't be right. Is it even possible to be both? I feel like I'm both but that can't be right. Surely it must be my hormones confuzzling my judgement or something.

My parents have been trying to change me. They're real bible bashers. They've been in avid denial of me ever since I came out to them. I think I'm a 'test from God' or something like that. I've been going to Church Camp ever since I told them. I don't know how Father Ganway believes he'll 'fix me' but repeatedly reciting bible passages and forcing me to listen to how the Lord believes I'm 'immoral' and 'wrong' certainly isn't the way to go about it.

Why fix something that isn't broken?

I'm a Catholic, don't get me wrong. I think the bible is beautiful, just not the passages-mainly Leviticus-that damns everyone and everything. That's not God. I believe in the all loving God, not the 'you are wrong for loving the same gender' God that was created by the old men who wrote the bible post Jesus' death. I say my rosary each night and attend Church on Saturday nights, like every other Catholic in the practice.

I don't think God hates me, despite what my parents seem to believe and are avidly trying to fix. If he created me, then surely he loves me. I've been able to hold down this belief. That, despite my sexuality and background, I can continue to practice my religion with my family in peace.

And that's when he comes into my life and ruins everything.

I love being in the sunshine. Whenever it's warm out, I go to the park and simply sit on the grass, feeling the rays against my face. It's a nice place to go to think or do homework or simply enjoy the peace. I sometimes even bring some bread to feed the ducks with.

School is out for the day and I haul ass up to the park to do my homework. The sunlight sparkles off the water in the pond like thousands of diamonds bobbing along with the ducks. I sigh in contentment and cross my legs in the grass. Delly Cartwright's birthday was yesterday so she brought in a huge chunk of her mammoth birthday cake to share with the class. It was triple chocolate brownie cake and it filled me up to the brim. I wasn't able to eat my lunch. I still feel full so I decide to give my sandwiches to the ducks.

Tearing chunks of bread off my sandwich and tossing it into the pond. I wonder if the ducks ever feel grateful for being fed by human beings.

"You know bread is bad for ducks."

I look over my shoulder to the source of the voice. "Oh?" I ask the man sitting on the bench behind me.

"Yeah, it messes with their digestive tract," the man replies. He stands up and approaches me, sitting down in the grass beside me.

Now that he's closer, I can make out his face. I feel a tug in my stomach and I swallow hard in a mixture of fear and surprise. He's really hot. His masculine face is of perfect proportion and his smoky grey eyes are mysterious and gorgeous. He has a short brown beard which I feel tempted to reach out and stroke.

"I see," I hum, unable to find anything else to say. I'm confused as hell.

"I don't know what else there is to feed them, though," the man continues. He smiles and holds his hand out to me. "I'm Gale."