The Other Side Of Me

The Girl

Sept. 20, 2015

What the hell is wrong with this skin?

I don't feel as if it was mine to keen

Why does it seem so heavy and worn out?

For this girl carries it with nothing but doubt

As tough as she looked

but fragile inside even if she seems crooked

Oh tell me how to be in the pretty lane

Does it always have to be in pain?

I beg your pardon, my friend

I'd like everything of mine to end;

please give this movie a cut of a snap and hey

I never liked it anyway

To the people who I thought loved me

Thank you for making me feel the pain of a person like thee

A whore, a slut and people I've never wanted to be

Thank you for calling me names while drowning in your own hypocrisy

I was never beautiful, I'm a walking flaw

Copper-skinned, never fair and hands like rock that can never draw

Inconsistent perfectionist but an outcast

A mood so terrifying it changes so fast

Help.

Is all I could utter with a gulp

Pull me out of these colorless oblivions

I never wish to be here oh where are my options?

I'm reaching out but they keep pulling me down

I feel my trembling hands while I drown

Hear me out, choked by a string

Why can't I feel anything?

I want to feel the fury

But all I feel is nothing near to being angry

I want to feel them back hitting my conscience everyday

But they called me names and I became a prey

What is up there?

I want to live there it's not fair

But someday I will

That I won't even give a feel.

Sept. 29, 2015

There will come a day where it'll all fall into place

And I think I'm damn near that phase

May it be unwanted or a touch of a silver blade

EIther way this body of mine shall fade

Blends in to the winds of what above the clouds

For I've figured I'm no longer afraid to be that loud

One more step and they'll see a show with no tip

Nothing else but red liquid of mine that drips

I now confirm they never liked a girl like me

Desire to see salty water falling from this eye

Shaking hands and pumping heart

Squeezing my soul beyond my want

I'm no perfect image to see

Maybe that's why they never accepted me

Even if I tried reaching out

They never see potential of sprout.

Like a puzzle it will all be fixed

Although by the time it may seem mixed

That would be the day I'd fly

Not even a single evident farewell or good-bye.

***

A/N: Whoo. Been a while since I kept you guys updated and that's because I didn't have enough time/inspiration to write such. But as you may see it took nearly all of my guts for me to write this out of my body. It's the nth time I've written a suicidal poem but this is the only poem I still have and it's the latest.

Btw, sorry for the inconvenience, the breaks are so confusing and it may seem like it's composed of only one stanza because of Wattpad's quality hahaha! But if you'd like to read a better version, do check my Tumblr account where it is originally posted (external link)