Two Shades Of Green. (Tayvin/Talvin)

-c h a p t e r 3 -

Today, Caleb woke up. So did Katrina and we had breakfast, in silence. I think the silence was breaking me the most. I hate it. I hate how the absence of words can be so viciously cruel. I'm not going to say, how I almost cried when I reached beside me and found nothing, when I saw his seat empty at the breakfast, table because they're all effects that come with the territory. The territory of loosing someone. One day it won't be painfully hard to remember him and I will break out of the habit of wanting to see him laying next to me. For the moment, it's absolutely killing me. Harry told me I was strong, he told me I could do this, but I don't believe that for a second, at least not anymore. The only reason I got out of bed this morning was for the sake of my children. Otherwise my pillow would be soaked with tears. Sniffles emit from my nose as I fumble around with the cabbage and carrot to put in the baby food maker.

(A/N LELL i was just cutting cabbage and carrot for tea, so there's where that came from. ;)

The knife cuts so smoothly through the vegetables and would probably cut even more smoothly through my skin. I manage to keep myself together, which is surprising. But when my eyes accidentally land on his picture on the wall, the knife drops to the floor and so do I. He looks so happy in the picture with his unforgettable arms around me. We looked happy. I looked happy. A mixture of vegetable puree sits on the floor, splattered, much like a lot things at the moment. I curse mentally and slam my back against the cupboard door, bringing my knees up to my chest trying to hide my red puffy eyes. I hate myself for admitting this but things are so out of place without him. The house never seems full and bright enough without his voice, our bed doesn't feel cosy enough without his body resting in it, it's hard like stale bread. The worst thing that isn't the same without him is my heart. Believe me if I cared about being cheesy right now, I would say that it was, very cheesy. It's just not important to address anymore, it's not like anyone is going to laugh at my jokes the same way he did. No doubt things will be very messed up from now on. "Tay, is everything ok-" The familiar ring to my brother, Austin's, voice echoes in the air. I asked him to stay with me for a bit, just to get back into the swing of things. Though I doubt that'll happen anytime soon. "No, everything is not okay. I..I miss him, I don't know how to stop feeling like this, it's eating me alive." To my surprise he does not embrace me but rather goes to the sink and grabs a cloth and starts cleaning the puree on the floor. His face is concentrated on moping up the mess but also avoiding me. After he finishes with the puree he grabs the knife off the floor and washes it clean, he then proceeds to do all the dishes. It's only when a stumbling Caleb comes into the room that he directs his attention away from the work and onto his nephew. It is also the first time he spoke in ten minutes. "Hey little buddy." The name sends bullets through my brain. Caleb has a determined smile pasted on his face as he patters across the floor and goes to hug Austin's legs. "Unce Auste!!!!" Austin laughs at Caleb picking him up and walking past me as if I'm not here. Caleb is exceptionally good at speaking but ever since he started to talk he's called Austin that and still won't let it go. I am surprised by my brother's harshness today, it hits me cold in the face, although I'm not too sure why. Aren't I allowed to grief the loss of my husband? Aren't I allowed to miss him? I shake my head and pull myself off the floor, Austin had grabbed Caleb's food and was now attempting to get him to eat it, key word there: 'attempting'. Caleb picks up the spoon from the bowl and grins at Austin before saying: "This food no no dood, ice cream is better." with that he tosses the plastic fork to the floor, it's content splatters on the floor. I chuckle at my son against the counter and watch as Austin tries to win at Caleb's game. "Kiddo, I'd really like it if you ate this. It would really help me." He pleads but Caleb resists shaking his head back and forth recklessly. "Nah, me no hungry Unce Auste. Me want play aeroplane. Now!!!"

Austin scratched the back of his head raising an eyebrow at Caleb. "I don't know how to do one, buddy." He pushed the plate back and jumped out from the booster seat, his little feet thumping on the floor. "Daddy always does aeroplane with me, maybe you ask him, he know how." Caleb nodded continuously, the smile disappearing from his face and his hands clutching together. My chest tightened and my lungs contracted. Austin let out a huge breath. "I will. I will ask him. Why don't you find your sister first so that we can play aeroplane with her and I'll ask your dad." He nodded rushing off to the stairs. Amazingly his little feet managed to get to the top of the staircase and then he scurried off into one of the rooms. As soon as I heard the door close shut, I blink the tears from my eyes and focus on breathing regularly. "You okay now?" Austin neared me. I shrugged my shoulders. "You know the answer to that." I respond causing him to nod and twist the wedding ring on his left hand. "You must have thought I hated you for a second there." He interjects to which I laugh slightly and nod. "Just a second, but why were you so cold, Austin, that doesn't sound like you at all and if I hadn't of witnessed it, I wouldn't believe it."