Pencil Shavings (a Genderfluid story) - COMPLETED

Chapter Thirteen: Darkness

A/N: Teeny tiny chapter. Enjoy!

I sat under the bridge for a long while, not daring to come out. I was happy, if you could call it that, alone in the darkness. The sun had gone down an hour ago, but I didn't care. I had my jacket. I could sleep under the bridge if push came to shove. 

But deep down, I knew that I had to get up and actually go somewhere. But where in this hell hole could I go? Certainly not to Mother's house, definitely not Marcus's, and never to Taylor's. Why would I? She didn't even love me enough to call me. 

Right as I thought that, my phone decided to ring. I looked at the caller ID; sure enough, it was Taylor. I just snapped my phone closed and shoved it in my pocket. I couldn't talk to her. If she really loved me, she would have called me earlier. 

Right?

So why am I feeling so guilty? 

I wanted to cry. I really did. But the tears just weren't coming. Even if I had broken my leg, I wouldn't be crying. I knew that. All my tears had fled when they had the chance. 

Instead, I curled up in the dirt. The grass was soft enough, I decided. It didn't matter, anyway. I didn't really deserve a comfortable bed, anyway. 

I don't deserve Taylor. 

I sat up and pulled my hood over my head, as it was getting colder. I could barely see anything, but the stars and the moon gave me the light I needed. I climbed out from under the bridge and walked along the road. Just walking. Not really caring where I was going, as long as it was away from Taylor. As far away as I could get. She didn't deserve someone like me. 

No matter how many self-seething thoughts I thought, the tears never came. Instead, I just got angry. Angrier and angrier. I couldn't concentrate. I just got mad at myself, Marcus, Taylor, Mother. 

Mother kicked me out of the house. Her own son, completely shut off. I despised her for that. She should have realized what she did, but she didn't. She just shut me out. 

Marcus. Marcus took me in and let me stay in his room, but his stupid girlfriend Becca took up his time. He started to spend more time with her instead, when I needed him. He was my best friend! 

And Taylor. Oh, Taylor. I clenched my hands into fists as I thought. She had gone after me, asked me on a date, took me to that stupid dance. Taylor never cared about me. She just was desperate for a girlfriend. Or boyfriend. I didn't care. She was stupid to think that I would be good relationship material. 

I kept walking, seething. Anger boiled in me, and bubbled out of my mouth. I started talking to myself, then louder, louder, louder. I was screaming when I heard an engine. I looked up, then saw a shape of a car, driving. Maybe they saw me. I tried to step out of the way, but the car was way too close. 

I felt a sharp pain throughout my body, then I was in the air, then on the front windowpane of the car, then on the ground. 

Blood ran over my eyes, and I closed them in pain. My body hurt all over, but I slowly felt the pain reside and my vision fade out. 

I saw footsteps, getting closer and closer, then...gone.