Pencil Shavings (a Genderfluid story) - COMPLETED

Chapter Fourteen: Brightness

"I will break down the gates of heaven. A thousand angels stand waiting for me. Oh, take my heart and I'll lay down my weapons, break my shackles to set me free."

- Run To You by Pentatonix

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I opened my eyes just to be blinded by the bright light. After a while, I opened them again, then slowly came back to consciousness. My hearing faded in, and noise just started flooding in my ears. Shouting, whispering, crying, screaming, laughing. I didn't know where the hell I was, but I needed to get out.

So, I attempted to sit up. As soon as I did, I immediately regretted that decision. Somebody pushed me back onto whatever I was on, and I hurt all over. It hurt to fricking breathe.

I turned my head to the right and saw someone in all blue clothes, walking quickly beside me, and I suddenly knew where I was.

I was at a hospital.

But...why?

My vision started fading out again, but not before I got the chance to see long black waves of hair and a bright red shirt coming towards me.

* * *

I stand alone, in a dark room. I hear laughing, and I immediately grin. It's Kate.

Seven-year-old Kate runs to me, and I laugh and grab her arms before swinging her around. I'm only four, almost five, but I don't care about our age difference. I love Kate, and she loves me.

"Katherine Jennifer Carlton! You're supposed to be cleaning your room! Go, daughter, before your father gets home!"

Kate's face falls, and mine does too. We both know that if she isn't done before Father got home, we are going to get it.

She gets up and runs out of the room, leaving me alone in the darkness.

* * *

I'm alone in a grassy field, which is as soft as a warm blanket. I roll around in the grass, finally feeling happy.

Kate is at school. Ever since she turned eight, Mama decided to send her to school. I'm still homeschooled, though.

I hate being alone. Even though I'm seven, I can't stand being alone. Loneliness is like trying to find something, but it's just out of reach.

Just out of reach.

"Anna! Get back inside!"

I sigh and get up, brushing off the dirt that I got on my dark blue shirt. She'll never notice.

* * *

"Can I hold him?" I ask. Mom nods, and I hold out my arms. Now that I'm twelve, I'm trusted with many more things, like holding baby Carlos or playing with him. I love playing with Carlos. He's so small and fragile, just like the china glass in Mom's forbidden cupboard.

I set him on the floor gently, then start making sure he's completely wrapped up in his blankets again before picking him up. I look out the window and smile; snow has come.

I look at the door, then grin. Mom will never notice if I take Carlos outside to see snow, right? It's not like he'll freeze to death or anything.

She'll never notice.

* * *

I opened my eyes slowly, scared of what I'd see. Bright lights blinded me, and I shut my eyes again.