After my moms funereal I go with Jesse to escape from all this sadness. We go to his friends house and of course they started smoking. But this time it occurred to me to try it idk try something new. With mom and Selena gone I had to. I take the cigar in Jesse's mouth and stuff it in my mouth.
"What are doing?" He says laughing
"Just trying something new" I say. And he doesn't argue with me and he leaves me alone in the room. The last thing I needed was him trying to make me feel better, I know I know it sounds weird but with everything going on I just want to be left alone. Once I'm done with the cigarette I drop it on the floor and leave the room.
" what'd I miss" I say giving Jesse a kiss
"Nothing really" he says
"What's that?" I ask pointing to what looks like a clump of grass and plants squished together.
"Um..." Is all he says. The girls beside him look at me and start laughing while Jesse blushes and I notice i somehow embarrassed him.
"Its weed" a girls says laughing handing me it.
"Try it" another girl says laughing
"Look I know her she isn't interested" said Jesse
"Who said I'm not Jesse. " I snap at him
"Listen just because I do it doesn't mean you have to. Plus your dad will kill me and you if you ever tried it." He says with his hand out for me to give it back to him" I've been trying to avoid it but trust me when I say you get addicted to it." He says
"So what I'm still going to do it" I say
"You already smoked a cigarette. And for you may I say it's over rated. Now you want to do this. If they catch you with this at home you can get into trouble and I don't want any of my friends or me getting dragged into this. Plus its bad for you I don't want you going down th same path I chose" he says
"Look Jesse you have your reasons for why you do it and I understand. But let me tell you this, you have no freaking idea all the shit I'm going through right now, and you not being there for me. Sometimes,makes me question if you even love me. And you know what? Sometimes I get so sad that it's hard to breathe. So tell me how do you expect me to talk about my demons when they're sitting on top of my lungs?" I say
"Look if you need to talk I'm here stop making this a big deal" he says
"I've seen people do it before I can do it myself thanks" I say and I walk back into the room.
He was right I did make a big deal about it, I feel bad for blaming it on him when he had nothing to do with it. But he was right the Weed became my monster, And the monster became an obsession. I'm not telling you how I get it let's just say I know someone who knows someone. I wish I could go back in time and make things right but I can't. Later that month I would give everything up just to be with the Monster. And a week after that I started cutting, it became a habit and the sad part of all is that no one noticed or said anything. Melissa and me don't talk much when we do its just small. Like can I barrow a pencil or can you help me with this, and that's pretty much it. Jesse and I broke up and the Monster is still apart of my life. Dad will always be at work and would never be home, and Jamie would be away in her academy school. And Henry will be at school at times or studying with his girlfriend.
I was basically alone all the time. And when I thought things couldn't get any worse Jesse texts me. He's probably drunk again I think to myself. My phone vibrates and I check what it says
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hey ____________________________
| Hey what do you need-_-
————————————
Look I know
we had our
differences but
I'm sorry I really am
_________________
/I forgive you
————————
Great cause I need
You right now
__________
| For what?
Can you come to a
Party with me?
I need you to come
Can you? I won't bother
You anymore, promise
_____
| Fine
Okay pick you up at 10:40
___________
| Alright
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I've got to admit I was pretty siked to go. I even went to the mall to shop. Being there made me feel better. I bought this short black dress. I couldn't wait to wear it and see Jesse I wonder how he's doing now?
YOU ARE READING
Falling slowly
DiversosYou Don't Know: What I've been through The childhood I've had How much I hate myself What I do to myself when I'm alone How much I just want to give up ...
