The End

#3- Get me out of my mind...

February 9th, 2015

I woke to my mind screaming at me, telling me to apologize to Dad but I tried to tune it out, a turn out that is pretty darn hard. Out of all the things I could feel sorry for I get in trouble for speaking my mind for once.

I turned over in my bed, sweating like I always do now-a-days and kick my thin sheet off the bed. I lay there in my Pj's contemplating how long I should go on, staring at my plain white ceiling. After roughly twenty minutes of thinking over every ending to my story, I go to the bathroom and grab one of my water bottles I use for bathing and brushing my teeth.

I grab a bucket and pour water on my toothbrush and then lean over the sink as I brush my teeth and spit. The whole bucket thing is so that we don't let clean water go down the drain. I flip my hair into the bucket as I lean over the side of the bathtub to wash my hair. I grab the jug of water and pour it on my hair, trying to keep it in the bucket. I pour the water I used before to wash all the soap out and dry my hair.

I look in the mirror, taking in the changes in my appearance from the last time I checked. My memory of how I used to look has faded to a fuzzy picture of an awkward teenage girl. The girl who looks back is just as awkward, only nowhere near as happy, and has stopped trying to look good. Her eyes have sunk in too far, and aren't as bright, the completing portion is the dark circles under her eyes. Who am I kidding? That's me in the mirror- get over yourself, Dannie.

The clothes I wear are over three sizes too big, my hair is thinner and a bit healthier from lack of being straightened or curled. I no longer had that stubborn baby fat that lingered over the years.

It seemed like years since things were normal, where I didn't have to think of how much water I was using. Or where I didn't have to think about how much food I was eating. When the world wasn't ending, we didn't have to worry about whether or not we would have food next month, or even next week.

Yes, there was always the possibilities of dying in a car accident or some freak gas leak explosion, but what are the odds of a car accident versus burning to smithereens because the earth is gravitating towards the boiling ball of fire called the sun.

At this point I couldn't help but ponder the thought of freezing or burning. Fire or ice? The fact that people said the world will end in ice and some said in fire seems ironic now; we've got our answer. We're going to end in fire.

I walked down the stairs slowly, looking over every picture for the millionth time. From school pictures to baby pictures to family photos, our whole lives were displayed for everyone to see. And within a few months they'd all be gone. All that will be left of us will be ashes.

What legacy are we leaving behind? Is there going to be anything left of us for anyone or anything after to remember us by? Am I just going to die not having fulfilling my life? Even if I had the slightest possibility of leaving something behind, would I have ever accomplished it?

I stopped abruptly, looking down at my family. They all looked so sad, so unhopeful; their eyes lost all light, their bodies all slumped because of sleep deprivation and malnutrition.

I'm not alone.

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February 12th, 2015

Two days away from Valentines Day. I never cared too much for Valentines Day; I never dated much so it never had significance. But this year it does. That day will be known as the first holiday we lived to for as long as we live.

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February 14th, 2015

So far, the days are shorter. A lot shorter. Like less than eight hours long shorter.

For the first time, I didn't have chocolate on Valentines Day. For the first time, I didn't care that I didn't have a boyfriend. For the first time, I didn't have a care in the world besides whether of not we'd make it to April Fools.

What about Easter? Or Christmas? Or even Hanukah? At this point, any form of holiday- whether it's in my heritage or not- counts. I just want to live for another year. I want another year of life, and then I'll graciously die.

I guess that's kinda the plan for all of us. We all live, then we die. Life isn't even that great anyways; we get a bunch of crap over grades and how we live, we stress over every little thing so life is as perfect as possible, and after all our hard work we die.

That's not fair, but I guess life isn't fair.