Over Time

Chapter Two

I was released from the hospital the next day, my arm wrapped in lots of gauze to secure my broken arm. I should have been happy that I had survived the crash, that I had been released sooner than I thought, to be able to sleep in my own bed tonight but...i wasn't. I wasn't happy. How could I? How could I when had just found out that the person who I loved most had not survived? When it suddenly felt to me that the sky had fallen upon the ground that the mountains had crumbled and fell into the wide ocean? And somehow I couldn't help but feel inside and blame myself for what had happened just yesterday. Maybe if I had at least tried to stop him from driving, or had called someone on my phone he would still be standing here, next to me, next to his friends and still be able to live to see the sun rise once more. But the more I thought about all the different possibilities that could have taken its toll, the more I wanted to cry.

I sniffled and quickly wiped away a tear from my eye as I glared out the window, watching the trees pass me by on this bright and sunny day. Out of the corner of my eye I saw my mom throw a glance my way. I could tell that she was holding back words she wanted to say, but she must have decided against it since no sound came or was heard from her mouth, and fro that I was thankful. I wasn't ready to talk about what had happened, and I wouldn't be for a long while.

My mom pulled up in the drive way of our home and put the car in park. I unbuckled my seat belt and was out of the car before my mother had even thought about her next move.

Once I was in my room and I was sure it was locked, my back slid against the door way as the tears I kept holding onto yesterday had finally sunk in. And I was right. It did hit me, and it certainly hit me hard.

I buried my face into my knees and let out loud and painful sobs I was sure my mother was able to hear. Honestly...I didn't care at this point, I was too caught up in reality.

After I had tired myself out and I was sure my eyes could not produce any more tears, I flopped down onto my bed and curled under my blanket and sighed as I gripped an old stuffed bear I had gotten from Andy a couple of years ago.

I breathed in its scent, remembering the day I had gotten it. It was the day he had first said 'I love you'. It made me smile at just the thought of it.

I closed my eyes and sighed as I began to drift off into a deep entrancing sleep.

"You awake?" I heard my mom ask me?

At first I was confused why she was asking me that since I was still dreaming and in my dream I was more than fully awake, but I opened my eyes and glanced over my shoulder and saw my mom standing in the door way, giving me a small smile.

I nodded and sat up as she sauntered over towards my bed and sat down next to my legs.

"You know, I admire how strong you've been since yesterday. You've done better than I would have and that says something" she laughed "But holding it all in until later doesn't always work. Sometimes you have to let things out when they push their way out. It may be for the best."

I sighed "I know." I started "But...I don't like showing my feelings...at all. Never have and never will."

She gave me a smile and gripped my hand in hers and squeezed them "I know. But it's not like it's a bad thing to let things out. Showing feelings is just part of being human. It's what makes us who we are."

I nodded, understanding the truth behind the words she was saying and I agreed on that but when it comes to myself it's a bit harder to admit.

"I know. It's just that I miss him, badly, and even though he hasn't been gone for that long, to me it seems like it's been a lifetime already.

"I get that, and I don't blame you. I was the same way when your father died but I pushed through, for you, for your sister because I knew that there were much more things happening around me than what had happened in the past. I'm not saying to let go so fast, I'm just saying life goes on" she paused and looked down at her lap and gripped onto a piece of thread attached to her skinny jeans and tugged at it before swirling it around in her fingers.

"So...what happened? Yesterday I mean?" she asked returning her eyes to mine.

I sighed knowing my mother wouldn't give up until she got answers and I wasn't in the mood to get into an argument.

"I went to a party with him and his friends" I started "I thought it would be fun, you know?"

She nodded, listening closely to my words.

"Andy I guess had had too much to drink and I saw him about to leave as he got into his car, so...i followed him. Of course I knew better than to get in because you had taught me so well but I couldn't help but want to keep a watch out for him so I went with. He thought it would be funny to swerve the car in different directions and I told him time and time again to stop but he didn't then we finally crashed into a truck in front of us. That's all I remember" I explained as I slumped back onto the bed, my head hitting the back board.

"I wouldn't say you did the right thing by trying to keep him safe, but I'm proud that you had the courage to demand him to stop. Thanks for telling me, Brook. I appreciate it, considering you like to keep most things to yourself. I like it when you open up. It makes you seem more powerful as a human." She thanked me.

I smiled "You're welcome" I whispered.

She gently tapped my hands folded in my lap and got up from her spot then walked over to the door way before turning back around.

"Dinner's ready if you want some" she said to me.

I just nodded and watched her leave my room.