I'll Be Your Batman

Chapter 20: Change

Life has been so quiet, so remote, I almost forget what my life was like before I headed out to Florida, but there is always one constant reminder of what has happened over these last five months. Stiles.

I'm eating breakfast at the bar, sitting on one of the wooden stools. I gaze out the sliding door to my left, and look out into the woods for the hundredth time.

My life has been on repeat for the past few months. Get up, eat breakfast, workout, take a shower, work on control, go to work, eat lunch, go back to work, come back home, clean the house, go shopping or whatever needs to be done, workout again, work on control again, eat dinner, shower, go to sleep, and start over again the next day.

Nothing has changed, and though sometimes it's boring, it's peaceful in a way. I forget about small things like school.

Work isn't too bad, I'm a mechanic. When applying the manager wasn't too happy with my limited experience, but he said I looked ripped and they could use a tough guy, so they hired me saying they would get someone to teach me the ropes, though they discovered a week later there was no need, I already knew everything they needed to teach me.

I spend most of my days at the shop in a navy blue jump suit, grease stains on my hands and smeared on my forehead from me wiping sweat away.

I sigh and get up from the hard stool, taking my bowl to the sink. I'm too lazy to clean it, I'll do it later. I'm off of work today, which is a problem. Normally anyone would be happy to have the day off, but not me. It messes with my schedule, and it gives me time to think, something I don't want to do. This is bad because if I'm not occupied, then I'll just think about the past, about Stiles, and if I do that. . . I might just run home without another thought.

Today is different though, this is the third day I was off. My boss had taken a week long vacation, so everyone had a week of as well.

With several days to think, my week has been awful. The first day, I worked out for hours, but in all honesty I wasn't getting anymore fit, and it wasn't distracting me. I found myself watching television, but that didn't hold my attention either, and my mind flew back to when I left. I thought about how hurt everyone must be, how confused, but I hadn't bothered to try and find out. After one week of staying here I got a new phone and changed my number, afraid that I would somehow be tracked. I also did the same thing with any credit cards, but if I was being honest I got rid of the phone because I was tired of getting calls every minute and forcing myself to try and not call back, or listen to the messages.

I spent the second day on the beach. I swam and fished for a while, but those were things that gave you way too much time to think, though you would think even just my normal days would give me time to think. In actuality they did, and I tried to change it up, I just wasn't good at it. I tried to date, both women and men, but it just wasn't working. I tried gambling, but I hardly had enough to gamble with as it was, and I was awful at it. For a while, I just drank every night, it kept the pain away for a while, but then it came back and I got tired of repeating the process and finding wolfsbane to slip into the drinks. After that I hadn't found a new way to keep my mind occupied.

Today though, has been the worst day. I could think of nothing to do. I have tried calling a couple of buddies I work with, but they all thought I was drunk, because I wasn't doing anything fun on my free vacation like everyone else.

So I start my morning normal, up until it came time to where I would normally head to work, then, I was utterly, royally, fucked.

I took a seat on the couch and didn't even bother to turn on the TV, knowing there was nothing I could do now.

Immediately, I think of Stiles. It seems like nowadays I can't remember him smiling and happy, I remember him in pain, his broken face when I said I was leaving. Every time I think of my family, I just picture how sad they must be. I must have made them disappointed, for not being able to control the shift, for not being able to control myself around Stiles, except, recently I had been fine.