The Ladies' Room c.h

T R E S

"I mean...I didn't mean to walk in and see his dick, but it just kind of happened...you know?" I looked back down at my interlocked fingers, sighing.
"I've just never been more sexually confused in my entire life."

Father Pablo sits opposite to me with his eyes basically bulging out of his sockets.

I guess I've been rambling on about seeing the floppy kangaroo for too long that I was too out of touch to realize the bible clutched between his hands and chest like it was a life saver or something.

I think he was ready to throw it at me.

After the night of the concert, I had the worst nightmare.

I was sued for seeing Calum's 'D' and being sentenced a life in prison. Then, Ashton started stripping and dancing to "Whip That Nae Nae" with Niall Horan and that was the end of it.

I'm sure Sarah would've enjoyed that dream.

Though, speaking of my utterly horny best friend, I couldn't stop thinking about her idea to get Calum to make me not tweet about seeing his dick either.

Although, very, very, incredibly, inhumanly, wrong...

She was right.

It was a good plan.

"Well...um...Scarlette," Father Pablo's grey brows furrowed as he cleared his throat. "This is of course a very...vulgar situation...

I nod slowly, "Yes."

"But I think you should apologize to Calum."

"How?" I ask, my lips tugging into a frown. "He doesn't even follow me on anything."

And after what happened, I'm pretty fucking sure he wouldn't want to.

"You should still apologize," Father Pablo consoles sympathetically. "Even if he doesn't see your tit."

"It's...um," I awkwardly scratch the spot beneath my ear. "It's tweet, Father Pablo. Tweet, not tit."

He raises a brow. "Oh?"

I clear my throat. "Yeah, that's actually, um...a woman's boob, so..." I shrug my shoulders.

At least he knows what a tit is now.

After leaving the chapel and ending my awkward session with my pastor, I had to head to my 4:30 shift at Holland's Grill.

The first thing I do when walking in is that I check the schedule to see who I was working with today.

I trailed my finger sideways on the list until the end of the consecutive dots.

My jaw immediately dropped as my eyes found contact with the devil's name.

Holly. Fucking. Vanderwoodsen.

She's like some magical, voodoo, binding spell that's just bound to make me fail at life.

I mean, I shouldn't exactly blame everything on her since I spend my time hoarding 5SOS pictures instead of actually humanizing.

But, I blink, breathe, shit, sleep, and eat; I think that's good enough.

"Oh, Scarrletttt," Holly coos.

I don't even understand how boys find her voice sexy or appealing.

She sounds like a choking lemur to me.

"Yes, Holly?" I huff, looking up.

She sits stiffly on one of the tables with her slim, olive, legs crossed.

"You're ugly!" she chirps happily.

My eyes slowly narrow into slits.

"Did the plastic from your fake boobs affect your eyesight, too?" I bullshitted.

I should be sad, but I'm not.

She's too stupid to figure out what's horizontal and vertical, she probably doesn't even know what's pretty or what's not.

It's hard to be offended.

"So, what are you calling me for?" I groan, making way towards her.

Holly contorts her face at her iPhone screen and scowls, "Why is your face all over my feed?"

I roll my eyes.

"Sorry, Holly. I don't speak Hoe-nese, therefore I don't know what the fuck you're talking about."

"Then explain this!"

She shoves her shiny, gold, iPhone in my face, and my brows furrow as I slightly leaned down to stare at it.

At first, I thought I was looking at a reflection of myself, until I realized that it was a photo of me.

Hey 5SOS fam! :) Please, help me find this girl x #findcalscinderella

"Oh, sweet niblets," I gaped.

Calum Hood sprawls over the left side of the tweet, and I can hardly stop the vomit that's about to pool.

Calum Thomas Hood, the guy who I've been having a crush on ever since I was fifteen...

Is now looking for me.

I got the tiny idea from a tumblr post and thought that it'd be the subtle way for Calum to trace down Scarlette :)

I know this chapter was a teensy bit boring BUT I HAD TO INCLUDE BITS OF HER LIFE TOO OKAY

I promise the next chapter will be a lot more entertaining because it'll involve Twitter dms and I think we all know what kind of shit goes down in those 😏😂

Cheers to Father Pablo for learning what a tit was.

And remember, hugs not drugs fam x

Sincerely,

F. Chipotle