Faked Muted. (One Direction)

Secrets

Paris's Pov

"what did i ever do to deserve this?" this a just a question i ask myself almost everyday laying in my bed or anywhere for the matter.

"what" i said louder to the walls in the house because there is no one there for me to listen when i cry myself to sleep or when i am ready to kill myself

"No one"

"Maybe Niall was right i am just ugly"

"I am not just UGLY! i am Useless!"

"The world would be so much better without me"

don't i deserve someone to hold me when i cry? i need someone i am to lonely, i want to live a happy life like almost ever body else, but no matter how hard i try it just doesn't happen

"why am I even alive?its not like someone needs me?" i ask myself slowly and calm just trying my best not to cry.I stand up as fast i could and make it to my dresser and switch on the light  and look at my appearance thinking to find something different or maybe something  prettier  after all the hair changes and different clothing but nothing seems to make me look good enough for someone to look at me and say

"OH she is pretty just nothing"  yeah well i guess its just time for me to come out my fantasy and see that  the world does not like girls me that Believe in reality and lives like decent girl.They like girls like Jessica who are fake as Fuck and hurt everyone that surrounds them without a reason.Can't i have a simple life just like others do and be happy

"Dear who ever the hell is up there I don't want a perfect life.No not at all I just want a happy life Just a happy life"

I am sobbing right now but who seems to care no one I am trying my very best not to pick up the stupid piece of metal and drag it on my body and see the blood pour out or just make deeper cuts but who would care even if i did?

tomorrow I'll wake up put a perfect plastic smile no one would notice or care and i"ll make it thruu another day, no one would notice that i am dying slowly that I'm just done.

Louis yeah maybe he might, the guy who i just met  and thought would be nice or Niall who said that i was ugly or no Wait My Oh So amazing parents who don't even see the all the pain i hide behind one stupid smile?

Lets face Reality  for a second Paris No ONE cares about you "No One""Stop Paris" "Stop your not gonna do this!" "Stay Strong!"

"Your better then this" am I really?

I am not gonna let these people get to me! they can say whatever they want but i am just gonna act like i don’t care and just block them out.And just Think about myself and make the best effort of being happy or just fake it

“I Seriously Don’t know if i Will make it or Not But Just Watch how good i Will Fake it.” Sometimes only music can cure the pain or make you forgot  those tears are still falling out of your eye's.maybe thats one of the reason I sing and play the guitar to sing my emotions out its more like the music calms me and the music that comes from the guitar makes me realise that there is Maybe something i could do.

I need to find my guitar and play secrets it is the only song that would make me stop from getting up and locking the room and start cutting.why do i cut? because it just takes away the pain or maybe its just my mind making me think  that way i mean it doesn’t hurt when you are doing it but after your done when you look at the scars its just regrets.

It brings out the pain i have inside to my outside world, so I can master it I guess but not this time No!

I have my guitar since i am thirteen i used to play 24/7 but i guess i lost lost interest for a while but now i am 15 and have been playing when i need it and here i am playing more like trying to set the chords right and strumming trying my best to harmonize and take the notes high

I need another story

Something to get off my chest

My life gets kinda boring

Need something that I can confess

'Til all my sleeves are stained red

From all the truth that I've said

Come by it honestly I swear

Thought you saw me wink, no

I've been on the brink, so

Tell me what you want to hear

Something that were like those years

I'm sick of all the insincere

So I'm gonna give all my secrets away

This time

Don't need another perfect line

Don't care if critics ever jump in line

I'm gonna give all my secrets away

My GodAmazing that we got this far

It's like we're chasing all those stars

Who's driving shiny big black cars

And everyday I see the news, all the problems that we could solve

And when a situation rises, just write it into an album

Seen it straight to go

I don't really like my flow, no, so

Oh, got no reason, got not shame

Got no family I can blame

Just don't let me disappear

I'mma tell you everything

So tell me what you want to hear

Something that were like those years

I'm ick of all the insincere

So I'm gonna give all my secrets away

This timeDon't need another perfect line

Don't care if critics ever jump in line

I'm gonna give all my secrets away

 

**************

 Zeraya