Vegas, Baby (Jerrie Fanfiction)

Chapter Twenty - All of You

One of the worst things, probably, was if someone hurt you so badly, so deeply in your core that you felt like you were tearing apart on the inside by simply thinking about the first syllable of their name – and being forced to spend every living second with them.

Perrie didn't seem to force her company onto Jade, which she both hated (because did Jade really mean anything to Perrie at all? Had she ever?) and liked (because she didn't really want to talk to her anyway). It sucked that she knew she was still in love with Perrie when the blonde made no visible amends to make their relationship better, even in a platonic way.

Jade wasn't sure what exactly the reason for Perrie's distance was but no matter how much she wanted to keep it this way and get the fuck over the blonde, the sadder she became whenever the two of them spent their time in utter silence.

Jesy and Leigh-Anne had tried to stay out of the whole thing but it was quite obvious that they thought what Perrie had done was plain shit and Jade definitely hadn't deserved it – after all was she the one who had spent most time with Perrie after her breakup, she had done everything in her power to cheer her up, she had been there for her all the time. And this seemed like her repayment.

"Guys," Perrie murmured quietly without looking up and Jade was startled out of her thoughts – she hadn't really heard her speak much out of interviews and the like.

The fans had obviously noticed how silent they were now, how little they had joked around the past few days but Jade was too tired of everything to check what their thoughts and theories on it were. Perrie and her had stuck to the plan – pretend you're married 'til the album is it. And no matter how painful it was, Jade would go through with it because otherwise the pain she had endured so far had been useless.

"Yeah?" Jesy asked and shifted in her position on the chair to be able to look more properly at her friend.

Perrie sighed and looked down at her hands, fumbling with her fingers. Had this been another life and another Perrie maybe Jade could have squeezed her hand and kissed her cheek, making sure she wasn't too nervous about whatever she wanted to share with her friends. The thought made Jade's heart clench and she cursed herself internally for allowing such thoughts at all. "I thought... well, with everything that's happened I think it'd be best if I left the band."

Shocked the other girls stared at her, Leigh-Anne out of her seat. "Wait, what? No!"

"Well," Perrie started and gulped, obviously biting back tears. "This band only works because we get along so well." Jade bit her lip at the sentence, the reason why she hadn't wanted to fall for Perrie in the first place. "And I'm ruining the harmony. You're on Jade's side and there's nothing wrong with that – I'd be on her side, too." She caught the brunette's eyes or a second before the older female looked away quickly as to avoid the intense gaze lingering behind Perrie's blue ones.

"Come off it," Jesy told her with a disbelieving shake of her head. "The four of us are best friends and we'll get over it. Won't we?" The question was directed at Jade but Jesy didn't directly look at her, probably as not to force her to answer because maybe she was afraid of the answer.

"You can't leave," the brunette frowned and she realised it was the first time she had spoken to Perrie when there were no cameras around since she had found out about her feelings for her. "We're not Little Mix if one of us is gone. You can't pull a Zayn on us."

The blonde winced at the mention of her ex-fiancé's name but didn't react upon it any further except for a slow and considering nod, "Yeah... I guess, but... don't you think you'd feel better if I was gone?"

"You can't run from what you put upon yourself," Jade replied coldly and felt her heart sting with guilt less than a second after the words had crossed her mouth. She hated talking like this to Perrie but she also didn't want to let her know what she was still in love with her.