One Moment

my decision

April 25 4:00am

I woke up right now mainly because of a nightmare I had. I was walking around in this empty place and then I saw mom and dad. I ran up to them and tried to hug them but they disappeared. Then all the good memories I ever had with them came up. I started feeling my body shaking and the tears coming. I tried not to. Honestly, but then again there's only so much one human can take. I curled up and cried my heart out. So now that im up with red eyes and a stuffy nose there's only one thing I want to do. See my brother. I couldn't care if it was breaking rules. His the only family I have left and nothing was stopping me from seeing him. Maybe I didn't have the exact words to tell him what happened but I just needed to seem him and make sure he was okay. I looked around for something to help me walk around and I noticed some crutches. I didn't know if I was really ready to walk but it didn't matter. I unhooked my leg from the strapper and placed my walking leg on the floor. I didn't expect the floor to be this cold so it was a shock. As I placed my other foot on the floor I tried to balance my weight but I still fell. I guess my leg was more asleep than thought. It took maybe three or four tries before I could finally walk to the crutches. As I got hold of it one strand of hair fell from my pony tail down to my face. I never even thought of how I looked now. I stared around the room my gaze falling on the food left for me by the nurses and I realize I might not even look like the person I was before. I use to remember mom telling me I looked perfectly fine with my green hazel eyes and slightly chubby cheeks. I always thought of myself as normal looking. I never had a special features to me apart from my brownish hair and freckled face. Unlike other girls I see walking to school. They all seem to have it perfect. From their hair down to their shoes. I always thought of how ridiculous they looked. They thought they were so perfect just because of how they looked. Mom said that never mattered and then my thoughts went back to Evan how perfect he always looked next to dad. People called us the perfect happy family. Now im sure all they can do is give us sympathy. The more I think of it the angrier I get. I pulled the strand of hair right back up grabbed the crutches and walk moving myself out of the room. It took all I got to move that door but once I was out I was happy. One step closer to where ever they were keeping my brother. Where ever he was.

4:30 am

Its kind of dark and lonely walking down these hallways. There were barely any lights and there was like no way to tell where I was going. I tried to leave marks behind but it was way to dark. I couldn't even remember which room my brother was admitted too since I was never told. I felt my energy becoming weaker the more I moved. My leg was starting to get heavier. I didn't know what was wrong. Maybe it was to the lack of hunger. I couldn't even tell. I tried to move some more but I didn't feel my body moving. My mind kept telling my body to go but my body seemed to have a mind of its own. I stood there still. I heard the tick tocks of the clocks and the whispering of the nurses. I tried to move my head and by now my eyes were adjusted to the darkness and I could make out an exit door and two petite body's next to the counter. They sure seemed to be busy because all I could hear was about how the nurse who was sitting down was having car problems and the one standing up had boyfriend problems. Was this what nurses talked about when no one was around? Boyfriends? Car problems? Seems stupid if you asked me. But then again its my opinion. I leaned on the wall trying to catch my strength and I gripped the crutches. I must have moved the crutches loudly because I heard one nurse say she heard a noise. I couldn't tell the different voices apart because to me they all sounded the same. I heard desks move and saw flashlights being turned on. I panicked and grabbed the crutches swinging my body as fast as I can and trying to remember the way I came. I guess when you have a broken leg and your weak there's only so much you can move before being caught. As I turned the corner to my room the nurses popped up. The lights were so bright they hurt my eyes. I hissed a little and the nurses flinched. One grabbed my arm softly and the other was looking very seriously at me. I have to admit. This nurse definitely must have been the one with the car problems because with a face like that. Im sure no guy was attracted to her. When she talked her mole on her upper lip moved. She said sternly, "what are you doing out of bed."

I was still looking at her mole before I finally realized she said something. I tried to find my voice and make sure I didn't burst out laughing before I replied, "I had a nightmare and decided to take a walk."

I should have known the other nurse would have recognized my voice. Im surprised I didn't recognize her voice earlier. She was one of those nurses who always came to check up on me. I should have known she would have said something about my dead parents. She said, "Aren't you that girl who's parents passed away?"

I mumbled "yes".

she replied back, " I should have known and of course you didn't want a walk you went to look for your young brother. Am I right?"

I never said anything just stared at her. She kept going of course, "if you choose to reply its your problem. Seems like everyone wants to make you happy. Sending flowers and giving condolences but all you can ever do is sit there wasting good food and everyone's time. All you want to do is let people hold your hand. I cant wait for you and your brother to leave. His such a waste of time. Good kids are dying and you two think just because of a little accident you deserve to be here."

I wouldn't have cared if she said something about me but when she brings my brother into it and says his a waste of time it gets me angry. Who do these nurses think they are. I never asked for their sympathy nor did I ever ask for them to take me in. " just because you think your old doesn't mean I have the right to show you respect. In fact your just a waste of time. No one walks in here and forces you to take care of anyone. No one walks in here and asks for your poor of an excuse sympathy look. I've seen better. Im not surprised your having boyfriend problems. If you ask me. He deserves to leave you." I know I shouldn't have said all that but no one talks about my family like that. I pulled my hand forceful away from hers. Grabbed my crutches. Opened my hospital door and slammed it shut. I was too furious to sleep. I couldn't care less if she told the doctor. Being in here and being coped up was too much. In fact I was ready to leave. Ready to leave this hospital for good.