I will still tell of my past but what happened now I must be reminded of because it reminds me of what real fear and love is.
I called my mom tonight because I usually do every night I'm with my dad and vise versa. So when I called her she was silently crying which turned into sobs and she was talking high pitched and I couldn't understand her. I thought that was the end of her days. What we have is complicated and I hadn't talk to her for a few days and she said she was scared.
But I was the scared one.
I thought she was dying and she was too afraid to tell me or interrupt my life.
Of course I began crying because I didn't know what to do.
I couldn't calm her.
She wouldn't tell me.
I was terrified.
But she will be up all night I know and I'm not there with her.
It scares me.
Especially to know that I couldn't calm her or hug her.
And my face won't dry just yet.
So I am going to get a shower to try and relax.
I need to remember this moment to know what love is.
My mom was so scared to interrupt my night that she didn't call me.
She didn't want to intrude.
It's also fear.
Fear of her intruding.
So to conclude this section: love = fear.
Ps. My tattoos that I plan on getting in the future mean a lot to me. I want to get this to remember this night, love and fear.
:
LOVE = FEAR
it's short but meaningful.
Goodnight.
Sleep tight.
And if you're worrying about someone or something take deep breaths.
Close your eyes.
Dream alone.
When you arise you will be home.
(Lullaby by Brendon urie)
Songs to help you get through this:
Future: paramore
Lullaby: Brendon Urie
Love yourz: J Cole
(Yes. With a z)
Goodnight. I love you.
Even if there is only one person reading this, it means as much to me as I hope it does to you.
