Arkham High

Chapter 18

"Well, today's the day," said Harley, holding Joker's hand as they entered Arkham High together. "Finals. You nervous?"

He laughed. "What have I got to be nervous about, toots? I've barely passed any test, and now I've got a whole bunch of 'em all at once! It's not nervousness so much as an acceptance of failure."

"You're not going to fail," she said firmly, squeezing his hand. "You're gonna do fine. Just remember everything I taught you. And remember that no matter what happens, I'll still love you."

He laughed. "That ain't good motivation, kid!" he exclaimed. "You should say if I fail, you'll stop loving me. Then I'll work real hard not to. As it is, you'll love me whatever happens, so why should I even bother trying?"

"Well, hopefully because you wanna make me proud, and not feel like I've wasted my time," retorted Harley. "But all right, Mr. J - if you fail, I won't love you anymore."

"Good. Now I'm properly motivated," he said, nodding. He was quiet for a moment. "You do...uh...love me, huh, Harley?"

"Uh...yeah," she said, looking down at her feet and blushing. "Don't you...uh...love me?"

"Uh, yeah," he repeated, grinning at her. "But I'll try to knock it off if I fail. Nothing more pathetic than loving someone who doesn't love you back, is there?"

"Maybe failing your finals," she replied, smiling. "So don't do it."

The bell rang, summoning everyone to class. "Good luck," said Harley, kissing him tenderly. "I love you."

"I love you too," he murmured. They smiled at each other, kissed again, and then headed off to their separate classrooms.

...

"Well, that was remarkably easy," said Jervis Tetch at lunch. "I didn't even study for mine, and it turns out I didn't need to."

"What do you mean, you didn't study?" asked Jonathan Crane. "You've been ignoring my telephone calls for weeks!"

"Yes, I've been working," replied Tetch, nodding. "On planning the perfect evening for Alice. I'm preparing a Wonderland of events for our prom date - we're going to arrive in a horse-drawn carriage accompanied by a string quartet. It's been terribly hard to find such a thing as a footman and groom for the carriage, but I've managed it. We'll also be dining earlier that evening at the finest restaurant in Gotham, and I've managed to forge two false identification cards for us so that we will be able to order champagne even though we're underage."

Crane stared at him. "How did you get ahold of fake IDs?" he asked.

"I am acquainted with a man who makes them," replied Tetch. "It cost an arm and a leg, but I think it'll be worth it."

"Who?" asked Crane. "Who could you possibly know that deals in illegal trade like that?"

"Here ya go, Tetchy," said the Joker, slamming two cards down on the table. "You're all set!"

"You?" demanded Crane.

"I know, where do I find the time?" sighed Joker. "Between my class president duties, studying for these goddamn tests, and forging these ID cards for most of the high school in time for prom, it's a wonder I haven't gone crazy. How did you nerds do on the exams?"

"Fine, I suspect," replied Crane. "I've spent weeks locked in my room with no social contact whatsoever..."

"And how is that any different to how you spend your time normally?" interrupted Joker.

Crane glared at him. "If you must know, I haven't even spoken to Jervis," he retorted. "Although he's been neglecting his studies."

"Jonathan, I've spent my whole life studying to improve my mind," retorted Tetch. "It's about time I did something enjoyable, and when such a perfect opportunity as Alice as my prom date presents itself, I would have to be utterly mad not to take advantage of it. If all goes well, it's entirely possible that we'll end up married..."