Alive .

Chapter 3: Don't Look At Me

Unable to open my eyes completely, I squinted at the figure walking towards me. I was laying on a bed, the room was filled with the smell of smoked cigarettes. Unaware as to what was going on I excessively blinked my eyes to gain more control of what I was seeing. The figure was now at the edge of the bed, where my feet were strangled into ropes. My hands were tied up on the opposite end of the bed. My bare skin was exposed to the drift from the open window to my right. The figure, a man with a heavy chest, continued to drink out of his glass. I was awake but somehow felt like I wasn't in control of my body. I felt numb, as if I was dead weight.

Gaining more control and conscious, I could feel my carved body. I felt the cold liquid falling down the crease of my thighs and vagina. No memory of what had occurred before, I laid calm thinking of a way to escape this situation. The man, stood up and reached his glass to sit on the desk just across the room. Looking at him I knew what happened before should only be expected as the worst. He took off the brown robe he was wearing and started at his belt. Undoing his pants I knew whatever I went through unconscious would be worse this time.

The man shut off the light, creating complete darkness. He grasped my lower legs and I whimpered. Crying I knew no matter what I did no one could save me. He gradually gripped my legs going further up. With his lips he kissed my thighs until he reached in between my legs. Then he kissed using his tongue slithering it throughout my vagina. In disgust I screamed, "Stop! You're disgusting! Why must you torture me? What did I do? Please let me go I won't tell anyone what happened, I can't even see who you are. You can't be found out. Please!"

"I don't think I could stop even if I wanted to princess, you're too good to resist. I told myself I wouldn't do this to you. But your so tempting I had to take you for myself." His voice sounded sickening and it wasn't a voice I had recognized. I opened my mouth letting air fill my lungs until they could hold no more. As a release I screamed, hoping someone, anyone would hear me. The man then got up and reached for duck tape that was beside my other hand on a nightstand. It's like he has done this before and memorized the format and placement of everything in this room. After placing a thick piece of tape on my mouth he kissed my forehead. Whispering into my ear he said, "Just hold on tight."

Following his words I felt him place his face back in between my legs. I cried trying to kick, scream and wish for a way out. It all seemed helpless. Pressure and Piercing pain shot through me as he inserted himself into my canal. He did this over and over again each time with more force. My legs felt as if they were slowly bein ripped apart. The pain was excruciating and something I know I would never be able to forget. I cried harder now realizing my first time had been deprived from me, and not only that it would be the worst memory ever and something that would scar me. As he forced himself inside me deeper, the cut of this memory also caved into me deeper. After he climaxed he chuckled. The way he breathed I could tell he felt as if he had accomplished something.

Still naked I lay there bare and cold. After he showered and cleaned the room up, he fed me applesauce. I refused to eat and swallow it. With one hand he squeezed my cheeks and with the other he shoveled applesauce  into my mouth. Quivering my legs and vagina were still aching with extreme pain. After all the applesauce was swallowed my body began to feel numb again, losing feeling from my chest down. Since I didn't have any memory of what happened before, I knew I had been drugged yet another time. Clueless to how many times I had been drugged and abused, I hoped and wished he'd end me soon.

                                     As I was losing consciousness I strained trying to figure out who this man could be. Asking myself why did he have to do this to me? No answers found I dozed off. The man came before me staring at me as I lay there. He began to shake me, waking me up. I stared into his soul killing bright brown eyes, almost crying. His face was covered and he wore long sleeve and pants. My vision was still blurry but I looked out the window to focus on the details outside. I only saw the sunset and trees. Therefore I knew we were no where near town. The man draped a blanket over me and untied my feet and wrist. I couldn't move. Trying to open my mouth to talk nothing came out but slob and a flapping tongue.

                                       The man laughed, bent down picked me up and carried me out to a vehicle. Once he carried me out through the threshold, the sun blinded me. With no other choice I kept my eyes closed. He placed me on the back seat of the car. Placing a familiar smell I knew it was my car. He made his way to the drivers seat and started the car. It felt like he was driving forever. Losing and gaining conscious through out the ride made it harder to determine how long he'd been driving and where we were going. Finally we came to a stop.

                                       He parked the car, in what looked like the area I had got into an accident. He left the car on and came to the back seat force feeding me more drug applesauce. The man reached his hand under the cover he wrapped me in and caressed my breasts. He made soothing noises and moved his hand lower caressing my stomach. Reaching lower his breathing became heavier and he caressed my vagina then inserted his finger bringing his other hand to rub in circular motion on my forehead with his thumb. After doing so he whispered in my ear, "I will find you again princess." His voice sounding promising. He kissed my forehead as he removed his hands off of my body. Unable to speak or react, I laid there and cried. I couldn't feel the tears coming down my face. The drug applesauce had to of had a bigger dose of drugs then the last time. It became dark and I continued to cry until I lost conscious once again.

                                        I dreamed of being rescued and ambulance trucks making noise, the lights flashing. Doctors and police officers talking about how badly bruised my body had been and how doped up I was. That's when I opened up my eyes and realized it wasn't a dream. A female doctor looked at me in shock and ran off to consult other doctors. A group of doctors came my way and flooded me with questions as one doctor shined a miniature flashlight in my eyes and checking my heart beat. The doctor who was examining me yelled at the other doctors asking questions and sent them away. Feeling relieved I could do nothing else but look into his eyes as mine began to flood.

                                       I was brought to the hospital and cleaned up by a female doctor after getting the rape kit test. As she washed my body and hair I could see the sorrow in her eyes. She felt sorry for me as I felt sorry for myself. My eyes flooded again and I couldn't stand that I had still been undressed. After she covered me in a hospital dress I still felt naked. She wheeled me to my hospital room and had another doctor help put me on the bed. She asked me yes or no questions, only able to blink once for yes and twice for no. She asked me if there was anyone I'd like them to call and I blinked twice for no feeling ashamed and tortured. The male doctor came in the room to check on me. He shut off the tv and I drifted off. Once morning came I opened my eyes to see Dee sleeping on a chair beside me.