Alive .

Chapter 5: Broken Mirror

            Every night was the same. Tossing and turning, my head was spinning from the nightmares I couldn't escape. Every time I awoke I had yet to realize it wasn't only a nightmare. It wasn't a dream. It was real, just another episode of the incident. I felt like I was trapped in a box, with every direction I turn to look, there it is. There he is. But who. I felt like I was worthless. A part of me was gone, wasted.
               It had been 10 days since the accident and the abduction of my body and mind. I could feel myself going insane looking for answers. Wishing I would wake up one night to find this all to be one big illusion.
            I needed to shower. I showered once since I have been home. When I showered I tried to scrub my skin as if I were scrubbing the "nightmare" away.  Red blotches covered my body. Now that they're all healed I would try again to shower and find peace or comfort.
            Grabbing my shampoo, conditioner, body wash, bar of soap, a towel, a wash cloth, and epsom salt, I slipped in the bathroom with my eyes closed. After closing the door I slowly slid down the bathroom door until my waist met the floor. I sat there clueless as to what I would do next. My heart began to pound filling my ears with a drum-beating sound. Again I closed my eyes and rose up. Still with my eyes closed I separated my towel and wash cloth from the rest of the bathing materials I had brought into the bathroom. I threw the towel on the back of the toilet and tossed the rest into the bathtub.
             Breathe in, breathe out. I opened my eyes and there she was. The girl. Not the girl I know but it was me... Gasping for air, I felt powerless. Hopeless. Lost. My mouth opened and I wanted to scream as loud as I could. Nothing came out. Only noises sounding from myself trying to breathe. I felt suffocated. Chocked. A streaming river of tears poured down my face and neck. I couldn't stand the view. My heart was completely broken.
          Compelled, I undressed. My eyes somehow wanted more but I knew it would kill my soul to see what he... What he had done to me. My tears streamed down my face like a waterfall rushing off a cliff. Bruises and hickeys covered about 30 percent of my body, from my chest to my waist and upper thighs. 
         My emotions ran wild and a dizziness filled my head. I felt nauseous  and overwhelmed to the point where I thought I would...
           "Fai! Fai! Get up Fai!" Dee was holding me, eyes watering and her face exploded with concern.
            "Dee, I can't feel my body." I mumbled softly falling back into a blank state of mind.
        
          I woke up to the glimpse of Dee in the hospital chair staring at me. It felt like deja vu. Again I had resumed to my blank state of mind. I blacked out but I could faintly hear voices in the background.