Monster

Eighteen

Another week passed without a word from Bucky, and I almost couldn't find the motivation to keep going for another three. I wanted to quit the diner and even considered taking Tony up on his offer. I could sell my house and be done with the mortgage forever. I could be closer to my family again. But I didn't want to leave him behind. He'd come back eventually. Maybe in another week. Maybe it would be a whole year. I just knew that night in the backyard wasn't the last time we'd see each other.

Since I was working a later shift at the diner, I spent the morning trying to find something to do to fill the time. Steve was busy, and I hated that he and Sam had become my only friends. And they weren't even real friends. I'd spent the last few years of my life without any contact with other people. But now I was anxious when left alone.

I decided to go see Steve's exhibit now that I'd gotten to know him a little bit. I'd only been to it once when Clara came to visit and wanted to check it out. But I hadn't been paying much attention. Back then, Steve was just a historical figure who occasionally walked around the office. I didn't think I'd ever meet him, let alone know him. Now I got to see him walking around my house every couple of nights. The vibranium shield found a nice home on my armchair whenever he was there.

The exhibit didn't do anything to ease my anxiety. There were pictures of Bucky everywhere I looked. Not the Bucky I knew, but Steve's Bucky. Their closeness was evident. I could see their ease with one another. Even working, they gravitated toward each other like one was always watching the back of the other. Their smiles were familiar, but different all at once. It was the kind of friendship that grew over time. A history and brotherhood I'd never understand. But they didn't smile like that anymore. And I didn't know if it was strong enough to survive what had happened in the last 70 years.

It might be 70 years to the rest of us, but to them, it was likely only a few short years. If that. Both of their lives had been stolen in the blink of an eye.

I watched the videos for a long while. I hoped it would make me feel better to see Bucky when he was still young and happy. But the sick feeling in my gut only worsened. I barely recognized him. I'd grown so used to seeing his blank features, but he was so much more alive in the photos and clips. Even when all he was doing was standing beside Steve, there was more vibrancy in the way he held himself. So unlike the man who stood in my kitchen, staring emotionlessly into the dark hallway. The man who couldn't even remember how to say thank you for genuine acts of kindness.

I left before finishing the exhibit. I was planning on just heading in early and trying to get some overtime, but the thought of making milkshakes before I had to turned me away. So instead, I sat in my car in the parking lot and pulled Sam's card out of my apron pocket. If I was fast enough and beat traffic, I might be able to make it to the end of a meeting.

It was already almost over by the time I got there. I followed the sound of Sam's voice through the halls of the VA and stood at the open door to watch him work. He stood at a lectern in the front of the room, leaning casually on his arms as he talked to the congregated people. They were dressed as civilians, but there was a familiar darkness in their features.

He spotted me the moment I stopped at the door. His monologue cut off mid-sentence, and he smiled.

"Everyone, I'd like to introduce you to a friend of mine," he said, gesturing toward me. Heads turned in my direction, and I had to stop myself from bolting like a timid animal. "This is Corporal Hayes. Special Forces. Also, a close friend of Captain Rogers. She's a hero, but she won't let you tell her that." There were claps and a few "Nice to meet you's," as I hurried to Sam's side.

"Sorry I'm late," I whispered.

"It's alright. I'm glad you came." He gave me a pat on the back.

"I don't think I'm ready to talk."