Monster

Nineteen

Steve was upset. But not in the way I expected. He wasn't raving or storming or throwing things. Which was the kind of anger I was accustomed to from large men. Instead, he just paced the kitchen silently as I sat at the table nursing a cup of coffee. He didn't speak, but his jaw was clenched. His shoulders were tense. It was obvious he wasn't happy.

"They know," he finally said. It was the first thing he'd said since he picked me up. Aside from handing me the coffee and telling me to get in his car.

"Believe it or not, I figured that out."

"I think you should go stay with Stark." I shot him a glare, but he was pacing away from me again. The kitchen was dark save for the light over the stove and the dappled light coming through the window. He moved in and out of the shadows.

"I'm not going to stay with Stark. I'm staying right here."

"They blew up your car, Jo. Do you really think they'll stop there?"

The explosion was still under investigation. But they'd at least confirmed where it detonated. Or at least they'd narrowed it down to the level and the three spaces I just coincidentally happened to be smack dab in the middle of.

My favorite sunglasses were in that car.

"Of course not," I sighed. "But they knew what they were doing. You just have to calm down long enough to think rationally about it."

"I am thinking rationally."

"Strategically, then. Right now, you're only thinking about getting me out of harm's way. But I'm not just some random civilian caught in the crossfire. The guy may not have known I'd be at that meeting, but the move was still deliberate. He knew I wasn't in the car. He wanted me to know it was him and why. It was my fault anyway. I should have known they'd have someone tailing Sam."

"It doesn't matter if you went to the meeting or not. They would have sent someone after you eventually. They were sending us a message. And killing you might have just set Bucky off. He'll be dangerous to them if you're dead. But they want you to know they're watching you. It was a warning. That they're going to come back for him."

"Stark has my place wired from top to bottom. He told me Jarvis even scans for interference. So if someone sets foot in this house, Stark will know. If I get scared of a spider in my bathtub, he'll know. Don't underestimate him. He's brilliant. An asshole, for sure. But a brilliant one."

He sighed and leaned against the counter just within the boundary of the window's light. It haloed him, making the dappled shadows move across his shoulders. He crossed his arms over his chest and shut his eyes like he was feeling every single one of those ninety-some-odd years he'd been alive.

"Bucky won't come back if he knows they're watching you." I set the mug down on the table and watched the steam swirl away from the top.

"He won't come back if I'm with Stark either. So we have to do what we can."

"I don't want you to put your life at risk for this."

"As I said, I'm not doing this for you. I knew what I was risking when I signed the contract. I get to choose what to do with my life. I'm not actually a fairy princess, alright? That was supposed to be a joke." I huffed in irritation and leaned back in my chair. "I know that's what Romanoff wanted me to be, but you must not have read my files thoroughly if you actually believed it. You shouldn't have given me the job if that's the case."

"I know."

"I'm not going to give up so easily. Just stop treating me like a delicate little flower, and we'll get along just fine. I played the part for you, but I'm still a soldier. And I was damn good at it."

"I know you were. I just don't want you to get hurt because I got you tangled up in something you didn't sign up for."

"I did, though. I literally signed a contract. I knew what I was getting into. And maybe Sam was right. He said some people thrive in this kind of life. He said we miss it sometimes. And maybe I do too. I don't know if I'm cut out for all this." I gestured to my boringly empty house. "Because–I know this sounds crazy–but when I was helping people evacuate today–when I was making sure no one was hurt?" I sighed and leaned on the table again. "I felt alive for the first time in years. So I don't know. Maybe I'm just saying that I want to help you take down Hydra in any way I can. I can't do all the things your friends can do, but if I can help just a little, I'll do it. I just need you to treat me like an equal and not collateral damage. We can be friends."

"You're right. I'm sorry. I just don't want you to get hurt, but I was wrong to underestimate you. I just need you to understand what you're getting yourself into. They won't stop. But I have your back."

"I appreciate it."