Deeper in the part of our relationship.
It seems it won't work out.
~Roino~
Silver and me had a very dramatic conversation online.
I accepted the fact that he can't understand how much pain i was feeling already, my tears kept on falling for every word i read and i just gave up and widened my knowledge about this kind of stuff .
" I guess you weren't the right one", i said to myself.
My knowledge about friendship including those in the seminars i went into said that in a friendship you need to be just yourself and those who you are friends with needs to accept who you are no matter what.
Silver accepted my dramatic personality but the thing is the next-
Friends should gain trust for each other and should be honest with each other no matter the cicumstances are.
My world suddenly fell apart 'cause those were one of the things we lack.
Next, Friends should be able to comfort you, Friends aren't friends if they are only at your side when the sun rises upon you, they should still be there even if darkness arrives upon you for that is what friends are.
it made me evaluate our friendship, How many darkness have i been through with him?, Did he ever comforted me ? it was once right?,
i got my hands down for it since im starting to think "Is our relationship even that worth it ?"
I started thinking deeper and deeper thinking on how can i even save this relationship if the other party doesn't even give an effort and does not even realize it's already falling apart .
I already expressed everything and it's already enough. as the last tear drop fell upon my face i decided to be strong , strong enough to accept what will happen in the near future.
The next morning, i started avoiding eye contact with him , avoiding looking at him completely. He didn't even mind asking, it's his nature i guess since back then. I left where our group was seated where onfront of me is Gillian and beside her is Silver which besides silver is the one i'm jealous of ,Leo , since he seems to be much closer with silver than i am.
I left with Keith since he was the only one who knows what my heart shouts for , At first we walked around and around trying to review our notes for the exam , and i don't even know how we got to the conversation of him leaving and so i started crying , keith tried to calm me down and asked of me to be strong , it's the first time someone asked me in personal to be strong and it enlightened my heart a little bit .
We sat down at the nearest table , Keith distracted me by making me feel better which made me happy.
a moment later some of our friends came walking towards us so i tried to act fine and someone covered my eyes and i know it was silver and i automatically hoped he didn't felt the tears i have shed , i didn't comment anything and after that i still avoided eye contact with him ,the break was over and so he left tapping teichi and the other's except me before me left .
"Did i made him feel awkward?" , i asked myself and tried to distract myself.
All i ever wanted was for him to talk it out first it's not necessary for me to always do it first right? , i won't get mad it's the normal thing right? ---
"Never be friends with someone who doesn't even ask how are you." a memory of one of the seminars i went to.
My brain is left blank in space that i don't even know anymore. Did he already found a replacement for me?
"Is my story at end in your Book?"
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