~Roino~
Hey.
"Am i really worth being loved?"
I got in to a quarrel with someone close to me. I didn't mean to do that , i just had to.
I almost cried, i felt like i was abandoned , i didn't want to butt in anymore so i slept.
For six hours of sleeping i woke up and checked on my phone.
"I don't feel like chatting.", as i said to myself.
Silver called on, and even though i don't want to reply 'cause i hate him for not keeping his word , i still replied .
"I can't refuse his sweet opening to me."
"Sigh"
As our conversation started well , it came to the part that it irritates me to know that his as if pushing me to admit my fault. ugh.
"I can't admit that i'm also in a bad mood becouse of you."
---No! , Stop ! ; this is not me.....
i gasped and hurdled myself.
It's the me that i hate again.
"Selfish me?"
BUT IT'S MY RIGHT !? CAN'T I ATLEAST SHOW SOME SELFISHNESS!? , i shouted deep inside of me.
It hurts.
My tears aren't falling down, they had dried up already.
I bothered some people , telling how i trully feel at that moment and say " just kidding !" , it hurts , but i laughed it off in the end until i fall into silence.
If only everytime i feel hurt , scars would appear then that would be a solid proof that I am not okay.
I ignored Teichi's messages.
"I'm sorry , i just really need space". I said to myself degrading my guilt .
It's not about not allowing me to visit your house, knor play games.
It's just the distance you've made, or is it mine? .
Guess ,i'm broken.
I'm scared.
Maybe becouse of me holding them down , it turns out like i'm caging them in. I'm scared of being left out.
"I'm scared of not being able to be loved" , i'm overthinking, left shut lying on my bed .
I know, Acceptance is hard.
Silver's message already stopped coming. It's already time for his sleep ,without saying atleast good night
I mummbled to myself " Goodnight"
isn't he cold? but i still love him.
I'm left empty again.
"Roino , how come you could be this naive. "
I just can't push them on my prefrences right?
I love Him and Them
And i hope for them to find a way in my life.
If they choose to stay, They'll stay.
And if not , Then it's the end of their role in my life, talking to myself sitting on my bed , i pity myself and felt glad, trying to look at my whole life , i didn't even do anything that is regretful, they were all fine as they are.
"It hurts and i'm afraid but i know everything's gonna be okay."
