Songs at sunset

Selfish

Me;- she knew about me Amos!!
Amos;- and she respected the fact that she couldn't have him
Me;- she named her daughter Hannah
Amos;- out of love and respect not spite
Me ;- I get that but this is weird Amos

Drew came in to the room and sat opposite me. I knew what I wanted and that was to be with him but I had done so much in the last 3 years that I wouldn't blame him if he forgot about me.

Drew ;- Hannah
Me ;- what?
Drew ;- we didn't get a chance to have a proper chat , what you doing with yourself?
Me ;- plotting another murder
Amos ;- Hannah Dakota Young !!
Me ;- what!?
Amos ;- what's wrong with you?
Drew ;- it's okay Mos
Me ;- I'm just a bit taken back by the whole situation that's all sorry
Amos ;- well control yourself nobody here is your enemy

Before we began
I thought I met love
But I never knew love till now

FLASHBACK

I knocked on the door.
Started sucking in between my teeth just to make sure I didn't have any left over bits of food in my teeth.
I then started shuffling my feet and grew pretty impatient and knocked again.

Drew;- Come in

I opened the door and stood by the door trying not to give too much eye contact and playing with my thumbs

Drew;- Hannah you okay??
Me;- yea why wouldn't I be ?
Drew;- you don't need to be so tense feel free I don't bite

I let out a huge sigh before making my way to him and giving him a hug , I got a warm fuzzy feeling. I felt safe , loved , happy and I got that all from a hug!
I quickly let go

Me;- so what we doing then?
Drew ;- I was thinking we could watch a couple movies and chill?
Me;- okay not without food tho?
Drew ;- right? You want some pizza or you prefer Chinese
Me;- uhhhh what ever really!!

After fussing around ordering the food it came and we were sat steady watching Brown Sugar ;- I had never watched it before but it had quickly turned into my favourite love story!

BACK TO REALITY

I'm so bitter
Sitting alone
In my big empty room
When I should've been
With yahh
She isn't me

Drew ;- Amos give us a minute
Amos ;- uhuhh this is my room either you guys chat on the balcony or find an alternative base!!

Amos and I looked at each other hard in the face and burst out laughing , I mean in the craziest situations we can't take anything seriously.

Me;- Drew lets go...
Drew ;- where?
Me ;- Balcony?

I walked out first and he followed closely behind

Me;- you love her?
Drew;- no
Me;- then why have a child with her ?
Drew;- you told me not to call , you said keep it pushing
Me;- that's something I said not to sound selfish , and you did call a few times then you disappeared
Drew;- listen there was a chance you would be in there for a long ass time
Me;- and then I realised now that it was probably because of Hannah so I don't blame you
Drew;- Hannah your selfish
Me ;- no! I told you not to wait so I wouldn't seem selfish
Drew ;- this isn't going anywhere Hannah
Me;- I was wrong for being selfish but I won't apologise for trying to be selfless

I walked back into Amos's room with my eyes welling up , and tears ready to stream from eyes. I attempted to catch my tears before they ran down my check but failed as a tear drop hit the floor of Amos's room and each step as I ran down the stairs and out the door.

I cleared my face and decided to take the long way home.
I needed to get a phone. A life. A purpose. I needed to stop chasing the past and accept that the world didn't wait for me. Everyone grew up and was doing them.

After a 45 minute walk I had a sit down at a park not far from my secondary school , memories flooded my head it all got too overwhelming and I walked myself to a nearby cab station and made my journey home

Voice;- Miss Young

I had just walked in I didn't need this right now.

Voice ;- upstairs please

If I'm not quite good enough
Or some how undeserving of
A mothers love you should've had
The decency to give me up before
You gave me life

I jogged up the stairs and to my room. She was sat there.

Me;- hi
Mum;- welcome home Miss Young
Me;- nice to be back Mrs Francis
Mum ;- most children like to be home but I see you went out
Me ;- most mothers would pick their children up from correctional facilities
Mum ;- I was working Hannah I'm trying believe me?

FLASHBACK

After being with Drew that day nothing could make me feel like trash.
But lately things at home were a bit crap. I came in said hello to the fam and sat in front of the telly.
The house had been so quiet since my step dad and mother were separated I knew they wouldn't last.

Mum;- right kids my boyfriends coming to stay
Me;- you've barely been separated a year you're still married
Mum ;- shut up Hannah!

He came that night!!
They went out for dinner and came back at 12 , they made noise till 3.
I got thirsty a lot at night so I made my way to the kitchen , little did I know her boyfriend was watching telly in the adjoining room.

He stared at me as I opened the fridge.
I got really uncomfortable it was making me feel sick.
Him;- Roger !
Me;- sorry you what ??
Roger;- I'm Roger you must be Hannah
Me;- I am. Right okay nice knowing you Goodnight
Roger;- where's your room I may come in and say goodnight
Me;- well your a creep

By this time he was stroking my hair and licking his lips. I knew how these stories went and I wasn't going to end up a statistic.

Me;- if I see you anywhere near me I swear by every God there is you will die
Roger;- as long as I get a bite it's okay

He made my skin crawl.
I was ready to pierce his skin with a 9mm , he was foul a pervert. A Jimmy Saville.