The Ghost of You is Close to Me \\ Joshler

//

Tyler struggled to get himself to school the next day. He knew that Josh was mad or upset, something along those lines but he was never really sure which it was. Tyler really didn't want to know what would happen when the two were in the same room, if maybe Josh would confront him again, try to explain again, let Tyler explain.

None of the above happened though.

Tyler stepped into class and walked by Josh's desk, watching sadly as Josh turned away, deliberately ignoring Tyler.

Through the whole class Josh kept himself occupied. He either worked hard in class, giving his full attention to the teacher and assignment or he jumped into conversations with people near his seat, never once turning to talk to Tyler, never once even so much as looking at him.

Tyler wanted to cry.

~~~

Josh ignored him for the next week and Tyler wasn't sure if he'd ever been this sad before.

It was a different type of sad, though, something he wasn't used to.

He'd grown used to the feeling of hopelessness, the feeling that life was pointless and that the end was the only way for him to find peace. This sadness though, was the opposite. It was one that didn't take away his feelings.

He could still feel the way his heart ached, the way his eyes burned with unshed tears. He was never numb and Tyler decided that this sad was, in some ways, worse.

This sad though, didn't end in death. There was a solution for this one besides a grave and Tyler intended on finding it because damn, he was miserable.

~~~

Tyler showed up early to class, making sure he could get the spot he wanted. The one right beside Josh.

When he sat down Josh glanced up, smiling at who he thought usually sat there, that smile falling when he realized it was only Tyler.

"I'm not doing this," Josh grit out, gathering his things to leave.

"Wait, please? Let me just sit here for one day with you and then you can ignore me tomorrow," Tyler tried to reason, hoping that by the end of this hour Josh wouldn't want to ignore him.

Josh frowned and set his things back down, turning to the teacher and ignoring the eyes on the side of his head.

"Josh," Tyler whispered when the teacher began to handout papers. Josh glared at the wall in front of him but nodded his head anyway, giving Tyler a sign that he was listening.

"I know you're mad and I was being shit that night but please, I need you to look at me," Tyler begged, letting out a soft sigh when Josh turned and looked at him. Josh's gaze began hard and emotionless, a look that was scary to see on such a nice boys face, but the gaze didn't last long. Tyler knew he was being pathetic, begging Josh to look at him, at the sadness he felt and knew was worn on his face, but he knew that Josh still felt something and he needed that back because for that brief moment in the cemetery, when he thought that maybe Josh could be someone for him, he felt higher than the clouds.

"I'm sorry I wouldn't accept what you were saying to me. It wasn't very kind of me but I find it hard to even understand that people like me. It's hard for me to do that around people that I meet naturally, I don't see those things in myself," Tyler said, looking down to his lap and tugging nervously at his sleeves until they covered his hands.

"Tyler," Josh started, stopping when Tyler looked up and made eye contact.

"It's even harder for me to believe that someone likes me when I practically attacked them. You were right though, about passion, I guess. I do go there for something bigger than entertainment. I do it for Ollie, it's all been for her," Tyler's voice dropped off at the last sentence.