Complicated People, Complicated Love

Cold

Lucas:

     I hold the umbrella over Maya, and I watch the people around me, running to get home out of the rain to their families. My arm is starting to cramp a little at how far out my arm is stretched. I didn't dare sit too close. Her mood was obviously volatile. I put my chin in my hand and look to my right at Maya. The rain soaking me only getting stronger. She hasn't moved since I've sat down a good two minutes ago. I made sure to sit at the opposite side of the bench to give her space. I would have left her alone altogether, but it's freezing and raining and I knew that she wouldn't care. She would have died from the cold and wouldn't do anything. I'd called her stubborn before but I know it's more than that.

     With her head down on her knees, her wet hair is almost touching the sidewalk. The rain is getting in my eyes now and I'm freezing. I slowly slide next to her, still leaving a good half foot in between us. I think I've given her enough alone time. It feels great to be under the umbrella finally and I heave a silent sigh and repress a shiver. I look at Maya again, and her shoulders are shaking. It's subtle, but she's definitely crying. Was she crying this whole time and I was too far to notice? My chest tightens. Ive never seen her cry, not when she broke her finger, not when her bunny died, not even when her mother forgot her birthday.  Whatever this is, it must be horrible.

      Shes so small, here in the rain, I just want to pick her up and and take her home. I know she would never let anyone even touch her when she's vulnerable though. She doesn't even let me hug her without cringing. It's probably killing her inside that she's crying in front of me, she hates to be weak. This is probably why she wanted me to go away.

      I switch my umbrella to my other hand. I can't help myself, I have to touch her, comfort her. I put my hand on her back, trying to make her feel better and know that I'm here.

She doesn't shrug it off! I was expecting her to throw my hand off, but she's not.

     After a few minutes, my hand just sits on her back, I don't dare move it in case she forgot it was there. I think she's stopped crying. She's still shaking but I think it's just from the cold.

     She sits up quickly, startling me. She sniffs and continues to look ahead, her head turned slightly away from me, not wanting me to see. Her eyes are puffy from what I can see and her hair dripping wet, and yet she's still the most beautiful person I've ever seen. My mouth goes dry at the thought. Now that I think about it, she is the most beautiful person I've ever seen. I guess I've never given much thought to it, you know, with her teasing me 24/7. Her hair is stick straight, some stuck to her face, concealing it slightly.

       Maya looks at the park across the street, sitting up straighter, trying to look strong I realize. I dare to scoot closer to her, trying to warm both of us without making her feel awkward as I shiver. Our legs are touching, but like I was expecting, she immediately pulls her leg away, leaving mine longing for the warmth.

     I feel her shaking and realize how cold it is. I look at her thin shirt and tight jeans. Her face is white, her lips red in contrast. I quickly take off my jacket and put it over her shoulders. Not that it does anything since it's wet too.

      "Im fine," she says pulling it off swiftly and handing it back to me. It's the first time she's spoken since I'd sat down, and her voice is scratchy. Her fists and jaw are both clenched, trying not to shake. Her "I'm fine," was so believable that it made me realize how much she must have said that phrase in her life to make it sound so convincing.

       "You're not pulling that on me, Hart," I say putting the jacket on her again. She sighs and puts her arms through the sleeves. "C'mon, we should go before the cops find our frozen bodies tomorrow," I start to get up but Maya grabs my wrist.

      "No!" She says panicked. Now I'm really concerned. Her eyes are wide but they quickly look away. Her hand falling to her lap once again.

      "Maya what's going on?" Her hand was like ice in mine.

       "Nothing. I just don't feel like going home." She says, shrugging. I don't want her to either honestly. Whatever is going on at her house is clearly bad. So I don't question her.

       "Then let's go to my place,"

       "No," I make her look at me, to see the question in my eyes. "I don't want anyone seeing me like this," she says quietly. she looks so small in my jacket. Her hands don't go out of the sleeves and the bottom goes down a half foot more than it does on me. I know that she'll kill me if she ever figures out that I feel sorry for her, so I try to push the thought away. The thought of her killing me makes me remember who I'm talking to. This is Maya, the tough one.

      "My parents are on a business trip, no one's home," she thinks about it for a second but I think the cold gets to her.

       "Fine." She stands up and starts walking towards my house that I pointed out to her. I have to run to catch up and keep the umbrella over us. She doesn't slow down.