Complicated People, Complicated Love

;)

2 weeks later

Lucas

It's been twelve days since Maya went back to her apartment. I have to say, I knew Maya was a good person, but after spending that much time with her, I can't help but think of how amazing she really is. Yes, she makes fun of me, but I've always been able to see through that. Teasing is how she shows she cares. I'll take as much as she can give.

It's not just that she's beautiful, which I can't deny she is, but it's that she doesn't judge people, she sees the beauty in everyone. In everything.  Even if she tries to hide all of her feelings with thinly veiled insults or slights, I know that she cares. I caught her looking at a picture of my parents once, the look of longing in her eyes before she saw that I could see her was heartbreaking. She of course played it off, saying that my dad was missing his cowboy hat.

Although spending all this time with her was hard too. Not because of her, never because of her, but because of her life. It was difficult seeing how different her life is to mine. I'm aware that that sounds shitty, but it was just a real wake up call. All of my friends back home lived within walking distance from me. We were all in the same tax bracket. New York is not my southern home town. I went with her to meet her mom once her dad went back home, and although I only saw the first two feet of her apartment from the door, It was so different than what I'm used to. She didn't invite me in, and I didn't push.

It was especially hard to see her not believe in herself and what she can do. How she would downplay every little thing she did when it was so obviously impressive to me. She just doesn't have much faith. In herself or others.

"Lucas," I turn at the sound of my name and see Missy walking up to me.

"Oh, hey Missy," I say. Missy is the most popular girl in our junior class. Her parents are incredibly rich and her personality is just, well, bad. Not to sound like a douche, but with a life like hers, it's not that surprising that she thinks of herself as above everyone else and is kind of a bitch because of it.

"So, what are you doing this weekend?" she asks getting real close to my ear. I'm by my locker, not having moved after getting my books thanks to my little zone out.

"Just hanging with my family," I say, trying to get rid of her, leaning back politely. It's not a lie, my parents are in town as far as I know. I bet I'll spend some time with them.

"Well I'm having a party at my house on Saturday if you feel like having," she grabs my shirt collar tightly and leans in, "a good time." Wow this girl does not do subtlety. She strolls seductively away and I roll my eyes, loosening my shirt again after being nearly strangled. I look to my left and see Maya and Riley at their neighboring lockers. Riley's mouth is moving quickly as she's going through her locker while Maya is just leaning against her locker, arms crossed, looking at me.

I give her a smile and a little wave. It's been kind of weird with her not around all the time. She gives me an obviously forced half smile and immediately looks down at her shoes, grinding her teeth. Did she see Missy flirting with me? If she did why would she care? No, I think with a sigh, she's probably mad at herself for allowing a small friendly moment between us to occur.

I walk over to them and say hi. "Lucas! Hi!" Riley smiles at me. "Did you do your essay?" She asks as she pulls out her history book from her locker.

"Yup," I respond. We were supposed to write a three page essay on our dreams and what we hope to accomplish in our lives. "You guys?" Easy stuff. Not at all history, but I think by now we all know that Mr. Matthews teaches what he wants.

Maya snorts.

"I did. But I really didn't have a choice given that my dad is the teacher," Riley says as she shuts her locker and we all start walking towards class.

"Haha, good point." I'm walking side by side Riley. There's plenty of room next to me but Maya seems to want to keep her distance, choosing instead to walk behind us. Yeah, she smiled at me in the hallway and now has to reinforce that we aren't friends. We get to class and Mr. Mathews immediately asks for our essays.

"Maya?" He asks once he reaches her desk. "Why don't you have your paper? What's the excuse for today?" He's used to this. But I know he hates it. He loves Maya so much and just wants her to try. To realize the potential she has.

"It was a useless subject to write on," she says. She's leaned back in her chair with her arms crossed. Her slightly curled hair is laying on my desk so I can't see her face, but I know she's giving him that insincere smile she gives when she's trying to egg someone on. It's her armor. I look down, I know where she's going with this.

"You don't have dreams Maya? You always used to talk about what you wanted to do when you grew up."

"Yeah, but not seriously, I wouldn't be stupid enough to actually dream for something," she tilts her chin, ready for war.

"There's nothing stupid about dreams Maya," Mr. Mathews puts the papers down on his desk. His voice conveys annoyance, but I can see the disappointment in his eyes. Or maybe it's sadness.

"Maybe not, but there's something stupid about hope. You hope for things you get disappointed. That's just how it is. I'm fine believing that nothing much is going to happen for me."

It's hard to hear her talk like this, she's one of the best people I know. She's welcoming and funny and so sweet to Riley. Her home life and past has damaged her. She's afraid to open up, to hope. I plan to change that. Someday, someway, I will. With Riley's help of course.

. . .

"You guys going to the dance on Friday?" I ask as we all sit down at our usual lunch table.

"That reminds me!" Farkle yells jumping up out of his seat. He gets down on one knee in front of Riley, grabbing her hand and forcing her to drop her water bottle. "Riley Mathews, will you do me the honor of going to the winter formal with me?" He folds his hands together around hers in a plea. Riley looks at me and back at Farkle, so quickly I almost miss it.

"Sorry Farkle, I'm waiting for someone else to ask me." I freeze with my spoon of yogurt still in my mouth. I look at her from the corner of my eye but she's gone back to eating her sandwich.

"No problem," Farkle says getting up and turning towards Maya. He once again goes down on one knee, just as dramatically as before, "Maya Hart, will you-"

"No," Maya says firmly yet causally, not taking her eyes off of her hot dog.

"Well dang it," Farkle says sitting back down and poking his salad.

"We should all just go together," I suggest. "That way no one gets left out," Farkle yells that he's in and Riley smiles at me making me a little sympathetic. How do I explain to her that I'm just not interested?

"Whatever," Maya says taking a bite of her hot dog. I smile at everyone and eat my sloppy Jo.