Complicated People, Complicated Love

Red Hoodie

Lucas

I walk side by side with Maya towards the park. I put my hands in my jean pockets and shiver, the sky is full of grey clouds and it must be like 45 degrees. I look at Maya. She's wrapped in my red hoodie and she looks like a puppy in a blanket, it makes her look so small. It was so easy to pick her up this morning, we're in eleventh grade and she felt as heavy as a fifth grader. Maybe. I don't know, all I'm saying is she was light.

I look at her little frame worriedly, I knew she was skinny, but now that I think of it, she looks so skinny it's almost scary. She wears loose shirts most of the time so it's hard to tell, but she's holding my hoodie so close to her that you can see her body. I can see every one of her ribs. I try to recall what those ribs felt like, but I was so caught up in kissing her I can't remember.

"What?" Maya asks, giving me a funny look when she sees me staring.

"Nothing," I say smiling. She smiles back, a little weirded out. I see the park up ahead and focus my attention there. It's completely empty because of the cold. Probably a good thing, I'd feel a little weird if there were a bunch of kids around.

We walk around the park for hours, sometimes talking sometimes not, but I'm comfortable enough with her that when the silences came, they didn't feel awkward.

      I pushed her on the swings for a good twenty minutes. My arms were starting to hurt but the smile should would shoot me over her shoulder when she got really high was worth all the pain in the world.

"Hey, Huckleberry," Maya says as we walk back towards my house at around 5.

"Yeah?" I respond.

"I think it's time for me to go home," I try not to flinch. I knew this was coming, but I still feel a twinge of pain in my stomach when she says it. This weekend has been so fun, I never thought Maya Hart would turn out to be the best part of my move to New York. But I know she's right about going home, this couldn't last forever. And I know what she's going there to do, and it kind of worries me.

"You want me to go with you?" She smiles a little.

"I think I need to do this alone." She looks up at me. I nod. We turn around towards the road. I look at Maya out of the corner of my eye. To anyone else she would look like regular old Maya, but I see the strain of her jaw, the haziness of her eyes as she thinks about what waits for her at home. I move a little closer to her, never able to hold back completely from her. She must be scared going to face her dad. What if he says something or does something and she has another brain episode thingy?

"Text me tonight and tell me how it goes okay?" I say as we reach the stoplight. Maya pushes the button requesting to cross the street. When she crosses she'll have to go around the corner and then she'll be at her apartment building. My house doesn't require me to cross, it's only a few minutes to my left.

"I will," she says smiling a little and looking down. I can tell she's scared.

"Maya," I take her by the shoulders and look her in the eye. "Don't forget, In life, you won't be able to control what happens to you, but you can control how you feel about it. And what you do about it." And who you turn to for help, I think.

"You realize how cheesy that was right?" She asks. I give her a stern look and she sighs. "I won't forget," she says.

The walking symbol flashes. Maya looks at it and then at me. She gives me a nervous smile, and then she's gone. I watch her small form in my hoodie until she rounds the corner. My stomach is in knots as I turn to my left and walk.

                                        .  .  .

I wait and wait, holding my phone, begging it to give me word from Maya. It's almost 10 and I've heard nothing. I consider going over to her apartment but I know how well that turned out last time. And besides, it's raining. I fall asleep with my phone in my hand, waiting.

                                      .  .  .

On Monday, I had only gotten one text from Maya the whole weekend which's stated: "it went well, thanks for helping." After that she didn't respond to any of my follow up texts.

I've been waiting for Monday so that I can see her at school. I spot her in the hallway almost immediately as I walk through the doors. She's wearing my red hoodie which hangs down to her knees and ripped black skinny jeans.

"Hi," I say catching up to her as she's fast walking to class.

"Oh hey. Long time no see," she says. She seems fine, infusing some of her famous mockery into her words.

"Yeah. So you've hardly told me anything about how it went,"

"Oh! Almost forgot. It went fine, he didn't even raise his voice. I think everything's going back to normal," I smile with relief.

"You guuuuys," Riley is standing in front of us giggling. "Told you Farkle," Farkle appears from behind a doorway.

"Wow, never would have guessed it would be you two. Now that we know Maya won't be heartbroken and she has someone of her own. Riarkle can now officially happen," he puts his arm around Riley who continues smiling.

"What are guys talking about?" Maya demands.

"You two being a couple! It's totally adorable!" Riley says.

"Wait, you're okay with this?" I ask, astonished.

"Yeah! Duh! Farkle and got together after the dance. I was wondering how you both would take it, but this makes it so much easier!"

"How do you even know?" I ask.

"She's wearing your hoodie," Farkle says pointing. "Only couples do that and look that comfortable with it."

"Hold on," Maya says, "this isn't even really happening." She motions to the two of us.

"It isn't?" I say, mostly just to hear her try to explain herself. I know what she means.

"Well - I mean - we never - we didn't - we still need to talk about it," I nod in agreement, fighting a smile at her awkwardness. I never thought that she would actually be willing to have a heart to heart conversation.

"Awwww," Farkle and Riley are creepily staring at us and smiling. It feels oddly normal, them and us. Like it's always been this way.

I follow Maya to our desks, somewhat relieved that the "telling Riley" hurdle of our relationship is over.