P.T.S.D |mashton

People Who Never Mean The Words They Speak

Michaels Pov

I couldn't breathe. It felt like I was suffocating. Like the blankets I was hiding under were being bolted down to the floor and the cotton would sooner or later take away all oxygen. Maybe they'll stop soon, maybe their lungs will get too tired to continue the screaming, but I've been telling myself that for the past two hours.

Mom was screaming at Terrance accusing him of cheating on her with his assistant, Monica. I wouldn't be surprised if that was true, Terrance is always working late, he comes home smelling like sweat, and mom hasn't gotten that one night when he came home smelling like alcohol after he had gotten into it with a man at the bar and there was blood on his shirt.

I had enough, I ripped the blankets off of my trembling body and walked towards my bedroom door. The poster clad wood creaked as I opened it, taking a step out as the screaming became louder without the barrier of my locked bedroom door. I took slow careful steps down the staircase until I was at the bottom. My mom and step-father were in the kitchen, in each others faces and screaming accusations and hurtful names that even made my heart drop.

"Stop fighting" I screamed. The house went silent for a moment, as if the sudden outburst was a substitute for a mute button, a beautiful silence filling every corner. The two stared at me in confusion, usually when they argue I'm hiding somewhere out of the crossfire. It's not even arguing, its useless screaming that never seems to have an ending. It's just one accusation to another and it gets old. Then the beautiful silence was gone.

"Who the hell do you think you're talking too?" Terrance asked rhetorically as he approached me.

"All you two ever do is fight and nothing ever gets resolved. Instead of just screaming incoherent accusations why don't you sit down and speak to each other like normal human be-" I was abruptly cut off by a fist colliding with my cheek. I stumbled back, falling onto my bum. I clamped my hand over my cheek as tears cascaded down my cheeks. It wasn't even the pain that coursed from my cheek and through my skull that made tears appear, it was the fact that Terrance simply told me to 'fuck off' then started arguing with my mother again. My mother who didn't even look at me once I was hit.

I scrambled up from the floor, grabbing my shoes on the way up, clutching them in my hand as I ran out of the front door. I ran as fast as I could, ignoring the pain in my bare feet when I made the hard steps against the concrete. Once I was at least a few blocks away from the house I stopped, sitting on the curb so I could slide my shoes on..

My cheek was burning, my throat aching with the held back sobs I was keeping in. It was about 1 in the morning so no one was out. The street lights were casting an eerie glow onto the road, the air was cold, wind blowing harshly through the streets. I got up again and started walking in the direction of the school, letting the silence engulf my shivering figure. I hated the dark, I hated the quiet, but right now it's the only thing that provided me comfort, the heavy winds drying me tears as if it were a person, wiping the sad tears away with their thumbs. It was all a big blur, a big surreal blur. How did it all turn out like this? We used to be happy. I used to be happy.

Once I was in front of the school I walked around back and started walking straight through the woods. He said I could come any time I needed someone to sit in silence with and right now that's all I need. I want him to let me lay in his lap again and run his fingers through my hair like he did when he was picking the twigs and leaves out. I could see the oak tree, it was the largest tree in this area, and he was right beneath it. But he wasn't awake. He was sleeping, but he wasn't sleeping peacefully.

As I stood directly above him I watched him shake and mutter incoherent things in his sleep. He was twisting and sweating, clutching the sheet beneath him until his knuckles turned white. I dropped to my knees beside him and took his shaking body in my arms, cradling him and running my fingers through his tangled brown curls.

"Ashton wake up" I shook him softly.

"Ashton. Ash wake up" I said again. His eyes snapped open, his breath hitching then turning into heavy breaths. He looked up at me, frowning before pushing himself up from the ground.

"What the hell are you doing here?" he asked. I frowned, forcing tears not to fall as I stood up from the ground.

"I- um- y-you-"

"Answer me" he said loudly, making me flinch. I looked down at the ground as tears unwillingly fell down my flushed cheeks.

"You said I-I could fi-find you here, to come whenever I needed to" I said, almost directly quoting him. I didn't dare look up at him, I could feel his harsh stare on me, and I didn't like it. I liked the Ashton from three days ago, who held my hand and walked me back home, leaving with a chaste kiss to the cheek.

"Well not now. You need to leave" he said. I looked up at him almost pleadingly.

"B-but you said-"

"I don't care what I said. Just get out of here" he yelled, his face turning crimson in anger. I stumbled a bit as I backed up, turning on my heels before sprinting back the way I came. Heavy, strangled gasps left my lips as I searched for oxygen. It was dark and cold and the tears wouldn't stop. My lungs felt like they were closing, like someone wrapped both hands around my neck and wouldn't release.

Maybe I was expecting too much. Maybe I read to much into the invitation.

Maybe I just expect too much out of people who never mean the words they speak.